Brad Lomenick is a strategic advisor and leadership consultant specializing in influence, innovation, generational issues, and business strategy. For more than a decade, he served as lead visionary and president of Catalyst, one of America’s largest movements of next-generation leaders.
He is the author of The Catalyst Leader: 8 Essentials for Becoming a Change Agent, and H3 Leadership . He currently lives outside of Atlanta.
“Be humble stay hungry always hustle
1. Accepting Your Failures and Embracing Vulnerability is True Humility
If you want to be a true leader, you cannot portray yourself as an invincible super man. You have struggles and failures the same as everyone else, and you have to own them.
People will respect a leader who can admit his shortcomings and open up, being vulnerable and real with them, far more than a leader who pretends he has everything together.
2. You Can’t Lead Others Until You Lead Yourself
So much of leadership is focused on leading others and the psychology or social dynamnics behind leadership, however the simple fact is, without first leading yourself, you cannot lead others.
You have to be on purpose, pursuing your passions and investing in yourself if you want to have any impact on other people.
You cannot truly lead others until you are leading yourself in the direction you want to go. Until you are in charge of your own life, disciplining yourself, and truly leading your own life, any attempts at leading others will fail.
3. Always be Curious
One of the hallmark traits of good leaders, especially leaders who maybe younger than their audience or who may feel inferior to many of the individuals they are working with, is curiousity.
Showing up, shutting up, and simply absorbing informaiton from others. Seeking to learn and understand instead of trying to pretend that you are more important than you are by constantly running your mouth, is how true leadership is done.
4. Work Hard but Play Hard
Life is a balancing act. Hustle is incredibly important, however without the occasional rest period, that time to yourself to relax and unwind, no amount of success or achievement will fulfill you.
You have to learn how to work hard, and then play hard, turning the crazy hustle off and allowing yourself time to just be, or to pursue hobbies or time with friends.
However, that time is earned by first working hard, without the hustle your relaxation won’t be done in good conscious and your play will suffer.
5. Be in it for the Long Haul
True leaders seek to leave a legacy. They seek to leave behind a greater story than themselves, to create other leaders who can take their place and to leave others behind who can create more and do more than they did.
But to create a legacy, you have to commit to the long haul. You aren’t in the game for a year or even a decade, you are in this for life and your goal is to die, leaving everything that you had behind your in the world, dying empty and leaving your best work on earth.
Kristin Kaufman is the founder of Alignment, Inc., formed in 2007 to serve individuals and corporations as they seek alignment within themselves and their organizations. Alignment, Inc., a unique services company through which Kaufman has brought her expertise to thousands of people, works with organizations to create sustainable success individually and collectively.
Through her partnership with Rodan & Fields, the author extends her reach by providing coaching and assistance to entrepreneurs and independent business owners as they build their own financial independence.
“Everything will be alright in the end, and if it is not alright, then it is not the end.”~The Best Exotic Merrigold Hotel
1. Nothing is Forever
So often in our lives it is easy to get caught up in the pain of the moment and lose hope. We begin to feel like we are never going to escape that breakup, that bankruptcy, or that injury; but we forget that nothing is forever.
Remember, nothing bad (or good for that matter) is forever. All things pass and life moves on, no matter whether you are in the deepest pit of hell or the highest mountain of achievement, remember this fact to stay grounded in reality.
2. Choose Love over Fear
Life is short, but full of successes and failures, its full of great achievement and great disaster, but no matter the circumstances of your life remember that in any situation you have a choice: Love or fear.
In any given moment you can choose to live a life in fear and scarcity which will lead you to make selfish and narrow minded decisions, or you can choose to live a life of love. A life of abundance of gratitude and acceptance and joy.
3. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
As Helen Keller said “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all” You are either living life fully, embracing fear and acting in spite of it, pursuing your dreams and going after your dream life, or you are dying, you are allowing society and the expectations of others to crush your dreams.
Get out of your comfort zone, shun mediocrity, and live life to the fullest.
4. There Are no Accidents
Regardless of whether you are spiritual or not, it is undeniable that there are time in life where things line up too perfectly to be coincidence. No matter what situation you are going through, look to the future and try and see how it may serve you.
That divorce may lead to the woman of your dreams and the family you always wanted, getting fired may cause you to start your business and pursue your goals of world travel. No situation, no matter how terrible is an accident. Life happens the way it does for a reason and a purpose.
5. Define Success for Yourself
In today’s competitive society, everyone tries to shove their definition of success down your throat. Whether it’s the white picket fence and stock options, or even the lifestyle business and location independence.
The simple fact is, there is no one size fits all for success. For some people, a safe secure job that allows them to spend time with their family is their definition of success for others, their is no success without incredible risks and payoffs and a lifestyle of excitement.
Neither is better than the other, they are simply different styles of success for the individual.
And while there is no definition of success, the universal definition of failure is to live a life in pursuit of someone else’s dream. Define success for yourself, and don’t let anyone else define it for you.
Govindh Jayaraman is an entrepreneur, successful businessman, and the author of the Paper Napkin Wisdom, leading to many individuals calling him the Napoleon Hill of our time.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward. you can only connect them looking back, so you just have to trust that somehow the dot will connect in the future”~Steve Jobs
1. To Do Amazing Things You Have to Have Laser Focus and Discipline
What Govindh discovered after interviewing hundreds of successful entrepreneurs, is that one of their greatest assets is that they were highly focused and disciplined.
They weren’t off multitasking and trying to accomplish a million things at once or trying to watch TV while they wrote their product’s copy, they were focused solely on the task at hand and disciplined in working until it was accomplished.
2. There is no Such Thing as Priorities just a Priority
The second of the five guidelines that Govindh discovered is that highly successful individuals, always had one priority. They didn’t use pareto’s 80/20 principle, they used the 99/1 principle.
They found the one thing that was the most vital to their business and worked tirelessly until it was accomplished it, and then they moved on.
3. When you Change the Way you Look at the World the World you Look at Changes
The third discovery Govindh made is that all successful people invested heavily in changing their mindset and the way they looked at the world until they saw a world that was full of abundance and opportunity instead of a world full of challenge or a world that was too difficult to succeed within.
The fourth principle Govindh discovered is that all great businesses understand the importance of simplicity. They do not needlessly complicate their operations or their mission.
While there may be aspects of the business that are complicated, the overall mission was simple and straightforward, normally to solve a certain problem in the most efficient way possible.
5. The Pen is Mightier than the Sword but Accountability is Mightier than All
The final principle that Govindh discovered is that all great achievers had a high level of accountability with other high achievers.
They volunteered themselves to stay accountable to people whom they respected and didn’t want to disappoint. By doing this they almost guaranteed that their levels of success would be multiplied instantaneously.
After you have mastered the 5 principles, it is time to design your path, to gain absolute clarity on who you are and where you want your life to end up.
You have to create a road map that you can come back to when you think you are getting lost or when you feel your momentum slipping. Having absolute clarity on where you are headed will allow you to take control of your life in a way few other things will.
Once you have your vision designed, it is time to create your playbook, or your how for accomplishment.
What do you need to do, who do you need to connect with, what steps must be taken to achieve your goals? Develop a very intentional action plan that will allow you to understand exactly how to get from where you are to where you want to be.
Once you have your principles mastered, clarity on your vision, and an action plan, it is time to surround yourself with other high achievers who can help you to achieve your goals with ease.
Find people that you respect who are on a higher level than you that will benefit you as a man and your business. While it may be difficult to find and attract these people, by being on purpose and on fire for your passion these individuals will start coming into your life naturally.
The final step to ultimate success is to become the heart of the team, be on fire, be passionate about what you are doing and understand that once you make a definite decision to do anything, your one “yes” will be accompanied by a thousand “nos”
If you decide to get healthy, you will have to say no to junk food, laziness, lack luster sleep, cigarettes, and excessive alcohol.
If you decide to get rich you will have to say no to procrastination, lack of productivity, and bad work habits.
You have to lead others and be the heart of the team, and this starts by learning to say no.
“You can achieve anything you want, if you will only help enough other people achieve what they want”~Zig Ziglar
1. Learn to Face Challenges with a Positive Attitude
In life, there will be challenges, there will be failures, and sometimes you will be in situations that may not be ideal, however, it is not these situations that determines your success, but how you respond to them.
If you have to work a 9-5 while you work on building your entrepreneurial endeavor, do it with a happy heart and a smile on your face. If you have to deal with clients you dislike, then do it to the best of your ability, never complaining or whining.
How you face your challenges is how you face life, so face them with a smile and the knowledge that this too shall pass.
2. Become a Student of Life
In everything you do, approach it with a students eyes, trying to learn and grow as much as you can in each situation. Be a student of life, try and use everything that life is teaching you to go forth and help others and to better the world around you.
The difference between a successful man and an unsuccessful man is that the successful man looks at everything and asks “What can I learn and how do I apply this right now?”
3. Learn to Beat Resistance
In any endeavor, life will afford you some resistance, you will be tempted to do menial chores when you should be writing your book, or maybe work a few extra hours at work to avoid the fact that you should be going out and meeting women.
Whatever the case maybe, learn to acknowledge and defeat resistance in every area of your life. The sooner you recognize areas of your life where resistance is creeping in, the sooner you will achieve your goals.
Internationally recognized speaker and business consultant, Alex Charfen has helped tens of thousands of entrepreneurs grow their business through his insights from consulting for billionaires, the Fortune 500 and some of the most successful people in the world.
Alex is the co-founder and CEO of CHARFEN, empowering entrepreneurs to grow and scale businesses and make their greatest contribution. An in-demand thought leader on business strategy and entrepreneurship, he regularly appears in major media outlets such as MSNBC, CNBC, FOX News, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today and Investor’s Business Daily to provide his unique views and insights.
“You’re only as good as your next speech”
1. Focus on Momentum not Emotion
A mistakes that many entrepreneurial type personality types make is that they focus on emotion, often failing to realize that many entrepreneurs are not as emotional as the rest of society.
We thrive on momentum and achievement, not momentary pleasures, we thrive on knowing that we are making a difference and pushing the needle forward, not on feeling happy because of a joint we smoked or cute girl we went out with.
If you focus your life on momentum, you will achieve success. There will be hard times, you will probably face more struggles and failures than the average person, you will feel discouraged and beaten down, but at the end of the day, it’s the momentum you are making that matters.
2. No One Average Ever Changed the World
If you are ever feeling abnormal (hint if you are reading this, then you are not normal) or out of the loop socially, if you ever feel like other people don’t get you or that there may be something wrong with you, pause and think for a moment.
Who do you know in history that achieved amazing things that we still remember who was normal?
Not a single person worth noting in history was normal, they were all weird, they were all told that they were crazy that it couldn’t be done, that it would never work. But they kept moving and changed the world because of it.
Never settle for average, average never changed the world.
3. Focus on Your Marriage and Romantic Relationships First
Something that most entrepreneurs fail miserably at is their romantic relationships and marriages. Most entrepreneurs that you know of have likely been divorced or gone through serious break ups several times due to their personality and drive to achieve success in their business.
However, when you focus on your marriage first, focus on your relationships first, you almost guarantee success in your business.
Because becoming the type of man who can attract his dream woman into his life, who can go through the rejection, through the emotional struggles, through the personal development that it takes to become a great boyfriend or husband, will develop himself into the type of man who will thrive and achieve in business.
When you have the support and love of your wife, and when you have developed yourself into the man you need to be to attract and continue attracting her, you will achieve success.
4. You Have to Be Yourself and be Vulnerable
Life doesn’t happen on high levels whenever you are living a lie, whenever you are pretending to be someone you are not, whenever you are putting on a facade to please others.
Life only happens at a high level when you can be vulnerable, when you can be yourself, when you stop lying and get real with people. If you want your life to be fulfilling, not just full of material success, you have to drop the mask and be vulnerable.
5. Learn to Lower the Pressure and Noise
If you have an entrepreneurial personality type, then odds are, the quiter things become, the more noise you find in your head, Even when you are relaxing you’re reviewing numbers in your head and stressing over business.
Start taking care of your body, breathing, and relaxing and realize that you can quiet the noise in your head. You can lower the pressure and function at a higher level than you ever thought possible.
Richard La Ruina is an entrepreneur London’s top dating coach, and author of “The Natural.” He has spent the past 10 years of his life building his company PUA training and traveling the world teaching men how to have better relationships and overcome their limiting beliefs with women.
“Do not think that what is hard for you to master is humanly impossible. And if it is humanly possible, it is within your reach”~Marcus Aurelius
1. What One Man Can Do Another Man Can Do
If there is anything you want to accomplish, no matter how difficult and impossible it may seem, know that if one man can do it, so can you.
Whether your goal is to create a 7 figure lifestyle business, date the girl of your dreams and overcome your social anxiety, or build the ripped sexy physique you’ve always dreamed of, if someone else has achieved it so can you.
What one man can do, another man can do. If it’s been done it can be done again.
2. Learn to Delegate Effectively
As you work towards building a life on your terms you have to realize that there will come a point when you have to let go and learn to delegate. The goal of every entrepreneur should be to run his business and not let his business run him.
If you can build an incredible team who can effectively do the things which you dislike and allow you to focus all of your energy on the things that you enjoy, your life and your business will flourish and you will experience more fulfillment and joy as a result.
3. Freedom Brings More Happiness than Money
A mistake that many novice’s make when it comes to the pursuit of happiness is assuming that more money will always mean more happiness. The truth is that happiness comes from having an impact and having freedom.
Who do you think is happier? The corporate CEO earning $2,000,000 a year who works 80 hours a week with only one weeks vacation, or the lifestyle entrepreneur who earns $90,000 a year and spends his time traveling, enjoying time with his family, and pursuing his passions?
Pursue freedom, not an extra 0 in your bank account.
4. Stuff Doesn’t Make the Man
So often in dating and relationship, men think that if they have all the right stuff, all the money, the nice clothes, the expensive cars, then attracting beautiful women will be a cake walk.
However, nothing is further from the truth.
Material objects don’t make a man attractive, personality, charm, passion, and humor are what make a man attractive. While money can certainly boost your odds once you have the character traits in place, they do not work as an end all be all.
5. You Can’t Find Your Purpose without Exposure
So often you hear people complaining that they do not know their purpose and their passions, but the simple fact is, they haven’t gotten their ass away from the TV in weeks and have experienced so little of life, they wouldn’t know their passion if it kicked them in the balls.
If you want to find what your purpose is and find what you are passionate about, you have to expose yourself to new and exciting things, take that salsa class, start that business, try things and fail.
Only by exposing yourself to new things will you have a chance at finding that one thing that you want to dedicate part of your life to.
Daniel is the founder of Elite Man Academy who has been pursuing his passion for helping men become their best selves and write their own stories.
“Beware of who you become in the pursuit of what you want, or one day you may find that you have what you want but hate who you’ve become”~Jim Rohn
1. Focus on Who you Become not What You Achieve
So often, we get caught up in the high of achievement, seeking to earn a certain amount, date a ’10’ or drive a certain car, what we often forget, however, is that the most important thing to focus on in life, is not what you achieve but who you become.
Always keep this at the forefront of your mind as you set goals and project forward. Realize that it is more important who you are when you arrive at your destination than the destination itself.
2. There is no Happiness without Struggle
In western culture, there is a happiness craze. Everyone is trying to be happy all of the time and never allow anything from death to bankruptcy to divorce to alter their happiness.
However, there can be no true happiness and fulfillment without struggle. Humans are wired to feel a whole vast array of emotions, not just mindless bliss.
You will always be happier after facing a great struggle than you will after achieving success easily. Remember this when things get hard.
3. Control Your Input
We live in a day of consumerism. Not just stuff, but information. We are always consuming, consuming, consuming with little regard for what we are actually consuming.
Take stock of what you are allowing into your brain and filter it. Is watching the news, B grade comedies, porn etc really serving you? Are you becoming a better person because you are playing World of Warcraft again for the thousandth time?
4. Create Incredible Visualizations
One of the best things you can do to alter your state is to create powerful visualization associated with your goals and come back to them anytime you find yourself unmotivated and lethargic.
Visualize the joy you will feel at achieving your goal, visualize the attention you will receive from women when you have that sixpack, the respect you will have from your family when you are successful in your business.
Visualize whatever gets you pumped and do it often.
5. Memento Mori
You are going to die. I am going to die. No one on this earth has ever escaped alive.
This is not meant to sadden you but rather to get you into gear. Imagine that today is your last, what would you be proud of, what would you look back fondly on, what would you be pissed that you never did?
Remember that you are going to die and make all of your decisions with this knowledge. Never put off for tomorrow the dreams you have today. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and neither is one minute from now.
We are all dead in the end, make it count.
Dre Baldwin is a former NBA pro basketball player turned entrepreneur and empowerment coach who works with pro athletes and entrepreneurs to help them achieve their full potential and work on their game.
“Work on your game”
1. Work on Your Game
When he first started playing basketball, Dre was one of the worst on the team, however, through tenacity and perseverance he became good enough to go pro.
He didn’t do it by getting lucky or having talent, he did it by working his ass off and never giving up. If you want to succeed at your craft, then you have to commit to working on your game and becoming a master of your craft.
Be willing to put in the long work weeks, to laser focus on your weaknesses and turn them into strengths. The only way to succeed is to work at your game until you become a pro. Period.
2. Be a Master of Consistency and Content
The two most important things of any information business are your consistency and your content. If you post something once every month, even if it kicks ass, you will not have anywhere near the following you would if you were able to post something once a week.
If you are posting consistently but posting subpar content, then once again, you will lose the trust of your audience and set yourself up for failure.
You have to master consistently good content. Publish frequently and publish useful information that your audience wants.
3. Ask Yourself Empowering Questions
As Tony Robbins says “The quality of your life is dependent upon the quality of your questions”. If you want to succeed, learn to ask better questions.
When something bad happens, instead of asking yourself “Why me” ask “how can I use this to learn and improve in the future?”. Instead of asking “Why do I never succeed” ask “How can I ensure success this year?”
4. Everything You Need to Succeed is a Developable Skill
Some people believe that things like discipline, work ethic, and perseverance, are talents and not developable skills.
They are wrong.
Every skill that you need to be successful is something that you can work on and develop. You can develop an iron work ethic, just go work for a landscaping crew for 3 months. You can develop discipline, enlist in the military or do some sort of bootcamp. You can develop any skill you need!
Never allow the excuse of being untalented to rob you of your dreams. If you don’t have a skill, work for it!
Kris Wolfe is the founder of Good Guy Swag and author of “10 Ways to Win a Girls Heart“. Kris went from being a scrawny and unconfident teenager to a bodybuilder, and marrying a Miss USA.
Now, he helps other men do the same by embracing authenticity and becoming a real man.
“A real man is a man who is real”~Gordon Dalbey
1. The People You Allow into Your Life will Shape Your Destiny
While this may be one of the oldest and most over used pieces of personal development advice, it is absolutely true and relevant in your life.
There is nothing that will have a bigger effect on your life than the people whom you surround yourself with. If you spend time around leaders and winners, you will naturally follow suit, however if you spend most of your time with low caliber individuals with no interest in personal growth, then your life will stagnate.
Because of this, finding excellent mentors who have the results that you want is incredibly important. If you can find people in your life to hold you accountable and keep you in check while they pour into you and help you grow, your life and success will accelerate rapidly.
And while many of you may not think you can find a mentor, it is important to realize that nearly every successful person wants to pour into an eager protege and you simply have to have a teachable spirit to build relationships that will last you a lifetime.
2. You Can’t Be a Gentleman until You Are a Man
As you seek to find the woman of your dreams and win her heart, you have to realize that you cannot be the gentleman that she needs you to be until you are first the man that you need you to be.
You have to be real and confident in yourself, you must learn to love who you are while you build yourself into who you want to be and to be unashamed about your identity.
As soon as you become the grounded man who is going after his purpose in life, everything else will fall into place.
3. It’s the Basics that Count
While it may not be anything flashy or exciting, if you want to win a woman’s heart, then do what men have been doing for generations!
Be intentional in your approach and tell her exactly how you feel and what your desired outcome is, be complimentary of her and her passions, and be romantic in your dating methods, constantly surprising her with new and creative ideas and activities.
The problem in America is that we always look for what is new instead of what works. Stick to the basics and win that girls heart.
John Lee Dumas is the host of the wildly successful 7-day podcast, Entrepreneur on Fire, and creator of several high level masterminds and business courses for aspiring entrepreneurs and podcasters. John has created a multimillion dollar company with Entrepreneur on Fire and continues to grow his brand and business with books, courses, and seminars.
“Try not to become a person of success but rather a person of value”~Albert Einstein
1. Work on Being of Value
So often in today’s society and achievement driven market place, we focus so heavily on being a man of success that we forget to be a man of value.
We worry more about how others perceive us and how our possessions are ranked against other men that we never pause and slow down to realize that the important thing is who you are and not what you have.
So focus on being a man of value, a man of character, of honesty, of kindness, and compassion, and everything else will follow.
2. Embrace the 7-2 Lifestyle
If you want to experience financial freedom and really live the life of your dreams, you need to get on your grind and embrace the 7-2 lifestyle. Aka working from 7 p.m. to 2 a.m.
If you have a family, with bills, a house and all the other bells and whistles and you aren’t pleased with where you are, then investing your time in the evenings on your side hustle is truly the best way to escape the grind and achieve the financial freedom you desire.
3. Provide Great Value and the Money will Come
Most of us who start businesses expect to see revenue flow immediately, however, this is almost never the case. If you want to build a kickass income online, then you have to start with offering kickass value for free to your audience.
You have to give away your best work, build trust and get raving fans, and after a period of time (it took John 9 months of daily podcasts before he made any income) you will reap the financial rewards.
4. Invest in Yourself and Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
People will often say that once they are successful, then they will start investing in themselves, in their health, their knowledge, their abilities etc. however the truth is that you will never achieve any real success until you start investing in yourself and getting outside of your comfort zone.
The quickest way to ensure financial freedom and success is through massive personal development, because their is rarely a man who’s income exceeds his level of personal development.
Realize that this doesn’t have to be expensive either. You can rent a book from a library, find old personal growth tapes online, take cold showers, journal, or even use your work as a way to grow your patience and tenacity. Do whatever you have to do, but keep on growing.
5. Balance is Key
For type-A “alpha” males, taking time off and balancing their work and life is often difficult. It’s difficult to make time for yourself, to just allow yourself to relax and watch TV or go out at the end of the day, but it is necessary.
Unless you are a somewhat crazy, Gary Vaynerchuk type guy who derives all of his fulfillment from work and achievement, taking time for yourself and taking time to build relationships and fun into your life is a must.
So treat yo’self and just relax.
Scott Brennan is the president and chief accelerated success expert at BOLDbreak, Inc. He has formerly been an award-winning business owner as well as an award-winning and successful corporate executive, repeatedly leading his teams to develop and deliver innovative services to the marketplace.
Scott is now an award-nominated-author of the book, “The Surging Team“, which was honored as an Award-Winning Finalist in the Business Management & Leadership category by the 2015 USA Best Book Awards and is now available on Amazon, as well as the author of an innovative video training series, “10 BOLDskills for Accelerated Team Success“, as an exciting companion resource to his book.
“If you are frozen by fear, look down, stay in your three-foot world and take one step forward at a time”~Mark Owen
1. Learn to be on the Lookout for Opportunities within the Problems
So often the difference between a successful person and a failure is simply perspective.
One will choose to see a set of circumstances as an opportunity, another as a problem. The better you can become at asking quality questions and searching for the opportunity in adversity, the more successful you will be.
So often it has been said that the greatest fortunes are made during the greatest recessions and this is true in life as well, if you can find a way to make any challenge or “failure” a positive, you will succeed at whatever you set your mind to.
2. Engage Your Team with Stories
If you are looking to build a dynamic and surging team, it is essential that you engage the team in whatever task they have before them. The greatest way to achieve this is through the art of storytelling.
Learn to craft masterful stories about where the team is headed, to tell masterful stories about adversity that has been overcome and successes in the past, and you will have a team with an unstoppable connection and vision.
3. Learn to Build on Strengths
The greatest mistake any leader can make is placing his subordinates in a place of weakness. Often, team members with excellent potential must be let go simply because upper management never bothered to find out what they were really good at and what made them tick and therefore put them in a place where they could not thrive.
Do yourself and your team a favor and take some time to connect with them, learn their strengths, learn their weaknesses, and put them in positions reflective of their personality. When you do, your team will develop unstoppable momentum in business and in life.
4. Relationships Matter
At the heart of everything we do in this life is relationships. They amplify the human experience and give some sense of meaning to our confusing and often frustrating existence. If you get the relationship piece right, your life will be full and joyful, if you get it wrong, no amount of success will fulfill you.
Dr. Mark Goulston has been described as a “people hacker.”Starting off as a clinical interventional psychiatrist and UCLA professor of psychiatry, he learned to “hack” into the minds of suicidal and potentially violent individuals to prevent acts of destruction to others or themselves.
He next went on to train FBI and police hostage negotiators. He has since expanded his work to “Hacking Genius” and speaks and provides webinars internationally on: “Thinking Like Steve Jobs – How to Create ‘Gotta Have It.'”His company, The Goulston Group, is hired by Founders, CEO’s and Boards of Directors to help them create a “gotta have it!” response to their services and products (which seamlessly translates into “gonna buy/hire it,” a “gotta work there” response in outside talent they’re recruiting, a “gonna get it done” response from employees and a “gotta invest there” response in investors.
He contributes to the Harvard Business Review, Huffington Post, Fast Company, Business Insider and writes the “Closing Bell” for C-Suite Quarterly Magazine. Frequently called upon to share his expertise with the media, he has been quoted in the Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, and Reuters; has offered commentary on NPR, CNN, and Fox News; and has appeared on the Oprah and Today shows. He lives in Los Angeles, California.
Dr. Goulston is also the author of Just Listen and several other best sellers.
“Be a first class noticer”~Warren Bennis
1. Learn to Notice & Listen into People
One of the most important skill anyone can develop is listening, not just listening however, listening into people. Listening into someone means learning to read between the lines and past the ambiguity to get to the bigger picture.
What is really going on in their lives? What are they really saying?
Listening into someone requires that you “listen” to their body language, their facial expressions, their tone of voice, and any other nonverbal signals. Listen to more than just the words, listen to them. Feel for them, put yourself in their shoes.
2. Deepen the Conversation to Get to the Root
In any relationship that you are in, the best way to diffuse a fight is to get to the root, to deepen the conversation and understand what is really going on and to approach it from their side.
An example with a wife who’s complaining about a husband who never helps around the house could go something like this
“I know that I have been really busy at work recently, and I bet that it has put a lot of stress on you, especially since I haven’t had as much time for you or the kids and haven’t been helping out like I normally do. I understand it’s not fair to y’all and I’ll make it a priority to do more moving forward.”
What the man is doing in this example is cutting to the root of the problem by listening into the conversation and then diving deeper. He doesn’t leave it at the surface level of how he’s not taking out the trash, he dives deeper and brings up his work schedule and how he hasn’t prioritized family.
The interesting thing is, this conversation will likely end with his wife apologizing! Whenever you let your guard down, whenever you are honest and open yourself up and are no longer on the defensive or offensive, but are on the other person’s side, your whole world changes.
3. Learn to be Tender
One of the hardest things for a man, especially someone who is much more “alpha” than the normal guy, to do is to learn to be tender. It’s learning just to feel for someone without having to fix them or change them. It’s learning to be present and give them your full attention and to cry with them, laugh with them, smile with them, or simply be with them.
Being tender is not easy, but it will transform your intimate relationships quicker than anything else. Put aside the macho facade every once in a while and just be tender.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby holds a PhD in counseling psychology and is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She is also a board-certified life coach based in Colorado.
Dr. Bobby has appeared numerous times on news programs around the country (FOX 5 New York, CBS News Denver, FOX 35 Orlando) as a relationship expert, and has been featured on Time.com and in the New York Post, Natural Health magazine, and New York Magazine. She is one of nine national dating coaches trained at the headquarters of Match.com and is a featured expert with EXaholics.com, a 12-step breakup recovery platform.
“Act from your values instead of your feelings”
1. Internalizing Your Problems will not Solve Them
So often as men, after something that is emotional and difficult, we decide to internalize our emotions due to the societal conditioning (e.g. just be a man and get over it). However, this path rarely if ever is the solution.
Men were made for companionship and finding a friend or family member who can help them cope with the pain and be there to hold the space whenever they are struggling is absolutely essential.
If you are not already, find a mentor or a men’s group where you can be yourself and talk about your issues without judgement. Breakups suck, they suck worse alone.
2. Stressful Relationships Create More Intrigue
One of the more interesting things about relationships is that relationships which have an element of “stress” or uncertainty and mystery tend to be more intense and more emotional, regardless of how much face time you got with the person.
As your emotions are triggered with all of the excitement and confusion around your partner and their upcoming actions, you begin to become emotionally invested. This is why relationships that may have been short lived can still be emotionally devastating when they finish.
Realize that stressful relationships are a double edged sword. While they can elicit a great response from women and create a number of amazing adventures together, they can also do a lot of emotional damage if not handled properly.
3. You Have to Realize that Ex-aholism is a Genuine Problem
Because of how our society views break ups and relationships, it is often easy to fall into the trap of believing that ex-aholism is not a real problem, even when you find yourself up until the early hours of the morning Facebook stalking your ex girlfriend.
Like any addiction, the first step to recovery is admitting that your ex is a problem and is still plaguing your emotional life. Once you do this, you are operating from a place of power where you can move forward in your recovery.
4. This too Shall Pass
Something you must realize as you go through all the phases of recovery is that this too shall pass. Your biochemistry is messed up from the last relationship and it’s a natural part of human life. Realize this and accept that there will be pain for a while but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
You will be able to move on and have the relationships you’ve been wanting for so long. You will create the life you have been dreaming of and you will no longer struggle with depression over your ex.
This too shall pass, just hold on and make it through.
Ellen Nyland, author of Life is Great Even when it Sucks, has faced many challenges in life and overcome them with insight, humor and intelligence. She successfully negotiated living and balancing the personal and business relationship demands faced by living and working on the same farm with four generations in close proximity.
Ellen has been an unofficial life coach and source of counsel for a long time, but it was after her move from the Netherlands to Canada in 1998 that she became a certified professional co-active coach in 2008. Ellen saw and helped many people and families deal with the stresses put on personal and family relationships.
Ellen’s biggest passion in life is to empower others and help them discover their own magnificence. Ellen uses her own life story and the examples of others to show that the system she’s discovered through experience and study can help others move positively past their barriers to a more fully lived
“When you don’t love and respect yourself then it is impossible to love and respect others”
“If you feel stuck, always do something”
1. Be the Lead Actor of Your Own Life
Often times it is easy to allow others to take the lead role in your life by allowing the standards and beliefs of family, friends and society to dictate your actions instead of following your own beliefs, dreams, and goals.
If you wish to live a life of success, you must become the lead actor in your life. You are the only constant and therefor you must take total responsibility for everything in your life. While you can still listen to the advice of others and take the consequences of your actions into account before acting, remember that you are the one who is ultimately responsible, not your parents, your friends, or your society.
2. Attitude is Everything
Life can suck. It can suck and we can’t control it. Children get sick, businesses fail, friends die, bad things happen. No one who has ever been born or will ever be born can face a life completely void of pain, but we can all face the pain a little bit better than we are now.
While you can’t change the inevitability of suffering, you can change your attitude towards it. If you face adversity by asking how it will make you stronger and better equip you to live out the purpose God has put on your life, then you will become infinitely more powerful than you ever imagined and the pain that you face will have purpose.
3. In Relationships you Must Grow in the Same Direction
As men, it is often easy to get sucked into relationships based purely upon physical attraction without much thought about the congruency of our partner’s mission and purpose. Whenever you are considering getting into a serious relationship, you need to examine your partner’s path and ensure that you are both growing in the same direction.
4. Build Your Toolbox
One of the most important things you can do for yourself and your future is to build your emotional ‘tollbox’ or your character. Focus on building yourself into the person that you need to become to achieve your goals. Build your integrity, your honor, your honesty, your kindness, your empathy, your compassion, your drive.
Build yourself up until success is inevitable. Because as Jim Rohn says, your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development.
Cade Courtley was born in Columbus, Ohio and raised in Boulder, Colorado where he spent much of his early life in the outdoors. He graduated from the University of San Diego with a degree in Business Administration and was commissioned (ROTC) into the United States Navy as an Ensign.
A standout from the beginning of his military career as a Naval Officer, Courtley was the Class Leader in his BUD/S (Basic Underwater Demolition/ SEAL) training. After 19 months, two Hell Weeks, broken left leg (twice), a broken right leg, and a fractured skull, LT Courtley graduated (CLASS 202) and became a Navy SEAL. He was then chosen to attend the elite SEAL Sniper school, privilege only given to a select few.
His strong background in military Special Operations made him the obvious choice to Host and Produce the Spike TV/Discovery International original series “Surviving Disaster” (2010) that to date has aired in over 150 countries. Author can now be added to Courtley’s list of accomplishments when the folks at Simon & Schuster decided to publish SEAL Survival Guide “A Navy SEAL’s Secrets to Surviving Any Disaster.” (2012) As well as Host of the original TV series “America Unplugged” (2014) Cade is also the founder of Victory Coffee.
“If it was easy everyone could do it”
“You have to get your ass kicked every once in awhile”
1. You Need to Constantly be Challenged
One of the reasons that Navy SEALs are the best of the best is because they are always being challenged and forced to grow. Obvious from their motto “The only easy day was yesterday” Seals believe that to be the best, you have to push yourself beyond your perceived limits, and they do this every single day of training.
Whether or not you want to be a SEAL, the lesson remains the same. Men need challenge, they need adventure, they need to do something other than sit in a damn cubicle.
Start challenging yourself today. Get outside, exercise, take a cold shower, give up a bad habit, learn a martial art; do whatever you need to do to get out of your comfort zone and stretch yourself to new limits.
2. You have to Find a Strong Why
At BUD/s there is an attrition rate of nearly 80%, meaning that for every 10 recruits who show up on day one of training, 2 will graduate. Although there doesn’t appear to be much rhyme or reason as to who makes it and who doesn’t physically, the one thing that all successful SEALs have in common is a strong why.
You have to have a strong enough reason why you are doing what you are doing to get you through the inevitable shitty times. Whether you are in entrepreneurship, fitness, family or war, you have to have a reason for what you are doing and it has to be strong.
3. Train in Peace so You Don’t Bleed in War
One of the core principles of SEAL training is to sweat hard in peace, so you bleed less in war. In layman’s terms, this means that you have to put in the work before the shit hits the fan.
You must develop yourself into a grounded, self reliant man before you meet the woman of your dreams, you must save up and be financially intelligent before recession hits, you must work hard at your fitness before some sort of physical disaster arises.
Prepare now so that you have peace of mind later.
4. Find Your Passion and Follow It
Life is freaking short. Too damn short to waste in a cubicle doing something that is uninspiring and boring. Find your passion and follow it, because God only knows when your last day is.
You might not have another tomorrow and the worst thing in the world would be to get to the other side and think to yourself “Damn I really blew it, did I even matter?”
Do yourself a favor. Follow your passion and make your life count.
Ex-Googler Filip Syta left the tech world to write books and his debut literary novel tells you why — in a satirical, true and unsavory tale, revealing the savagery beneath the shiny veneer of Silicon Valley.
In 2011, Syta graduated with a master’s degree in entrepreneurship from Lund University, Lund, Sweden. He aspires to make readers identify the truly important things in life.
“Find what you love and let it kill you”~Charles Bukowski
1. Never Allow Life to Rob you of Self Reliance
Often times it is easy to become complacent and allow life to rob you of your self reliance. You find a job with great benefits, you find a wife who takes care of all of the chores, whatever happens, life becomes too cozy.
As a great Persian general once said “Soft lands make for soft people”
Never become soft. You need to be able to take care of yourself and get things done, if you can’t be dropped into a new city all by yourself, find a job, run a household, and build a social life, then something needs to change.
2. Focus on Your Passion not Your Paycheck
People often spend so much time following the money, doing things that make the miserable, doing things that take away from their family lives, that take away from their health, and destroying your relationships.
While money is important and necessary, doing things that you love and making an impact is far more important. At the end of the day, the cars you drove and the houses you lived in won’t matter. The 0s at the end of your paycheck won’t matter, but what will matter is how you lived your life, the people you impacted, and the passion that filled your days.
3. The Rewards are There
Whenever people talk about passion and pursuing your dreams, there is also an inevitable conversation about “the grind,” because greatness doesn’t come without struggle. Following your passion is hard, doing what you love is hard. It is much easier to simply find a safe job that you don’t hate, get into a comfortable relationship that you know will, at best, be mediocre, and not get fat.
Putting it all on the line and struggling through low income, loss of love and friendship to achieve a distant goal is difficult. However, the rewards are there. Once you put the work in, you will see results. Don’t stop 3 feet from gold.
Keep pushing and pursue your dreams because the rewards are there.
The CEO of Global Equity Finance, Cornell Ho is a prolific entrepreneur and former top salesman currently responsible for one of the fastest growing mortgage companies in the world.
“Success only comes when you cut the chains of excuse and blame”
1. Be Completely Focused Sunday through Thursday
One of the keys to success is to master your energy by showing up to work at 100% everyday of the week. This means showing up well rested and not hungover Monday through Friday and letting your hair down and going crazy on Saturday and Sunday.
If you get 8 hours of sleep throughout the week and show up to work fully charged and focused, ready to kick ass and take names, you will out perform every other person at the office. However, if you are up late, drinking or fooling around after work, you will show up the next day lagging and your performance will suffer.
Work hard? Yes. Play hard? Yes.
2. Learn to Master Time Management
Nothing will impact the end result of your life more than one thing; how you manage your time.
Every single one of us are given exactly 24 hours in a day, nothing more, nothing less. How you manage those 24 hours will determine the quality of your weeks, months, years, and ultimately your life.
The key to mastering your time is to master your focus. When you are working, work. When you are relaxing, relax. When you are with family, be with family. Do not allow yourself to be distracted by external stimuli and thoughts about other tasks. Focus 100% on the thing at hand.
3. Find what Motivates You
One of the keys to achieving highly is to find what motivates you. Cut and dry.
Do you enjoy competition? Recognition? Financial Incentives? Impact? Advancement?
Figure out what makes you tick and create a reward system centered around it.
Megan Tull is a master business strategist specializing in assisting entrepreneurs in turning their passion into a highly profitable business they love and the author of The Passion Belief Method
“Be courageous, take action, and share your gifts with the world”
1. Your Why is One of the Most Important Parts of Success
In the interview, Megan talked about how losing her husband and becoming a single mother became the fuel for her to succeed. With a strong enough why, anything is possible.
If you desire success on any large scale, having a powerful ‘why’ is a must. You have to know why you want what you want and why you are willing to make the sacrifices that you will inevitably have to make to succeed.
2. Don’t Settle
Today, so many people settle for living lives that they aren’t passionate about they ascribe to the old adage that “Life’s a bear and then you die.” If you are living a life where you feel you are settling, something needs to change.
If you are struggling to figure out what it is that you want to do, what you are passionate about, what you could make of your life, then ask yourself these three questions.
1. What do I love to do
2. What do I do that I cant help but do
3. What do people tell me that I am good at
3. Learn to Set Your Intentions
One of the most essential habits of success is setting your intentions each day. Start your mornings by reminding yourself of what you are grateful for, what your goals are, and what you want to do with your life.
By doing this everyday, you will ensure that you remain focused on the positives of life and the goals that you have set for yourself and your future.
In the last 28 years, Akash has recovered from a life of drugs at a young age to now living a full life. Since then he has been skydiving, cave diving, ice diving, scuba diving, He spent 7 months in a war zone with the US Marines, climbed mountains all over the world, climbed vertical cliffs without the safety of a rope, started two businesses, spoken on a stage at a fortune 100 company, spent one month dragging a 190 pound sled 350 miles across the second largest icecap in the world and is now training to run across every country in the world.
He has also authored the book The Other Side of Fear which launches in Spring 2016.
“Earning success is hard. The process is laborious, tedious, sometimes even boring. Becoming wealthy, influential, and world-class in your field is slow and arduous.”~Darren Hardy
1. Learn to Suffer Well
Suffering is inevitable in life. No one makes it through without some pain, however what determines your capacity as a man and as a world changer, is your ability to suffer well, to laugh in the face of adversity and smile in the face of death, to, as Rudyard Kipling put it “Hold on when there is nothing in you, save the will which says ‘hold on.”
If you can learn to embrace suffering as an inevitability in life and, instead of avoiding it, seek to turn it into your asset by learning and growing from the pain… there is nothing that you cannot do.
2. Learn to Change Your Mindset Around Stress
One of the keys to mastering stress is mastering your mindset around stress. Learn to make the sh!t storms of life a game that you play with a smile, seeing how high of a tolerance you can build for pain and discomfort. Learn to view stress as an opportunity to grow and you will find yourself growing more than you ever thought possible.
3. Harness the Power of Psychology
You need to understand that your brain is not always your friend. It wants to keep you safe and alive, and as such, it does not always have your best interest at heart. If you want to become a master at the game of life, you need to learn to harness the power of psychology.
Learn to reduce the amount of choices you have to make in a given day and to build a spiral of upward momentum that will carry you through challenging times.
Throw out your junk food, but your gym clothes next to your alarm clock, avoid bars and ABC stores, do whatever you have to do to program yourself for success. Use the power of psychology and momentum to ensure your success every day.
4. Create a Powerful Environment
Environment always trumps willpower, and as such, it is important to create an environment conducive to success. Plaster your walls with success quotes and inspirational pictures and people, throw out your junk food, build a home gym, toss out your TV, do what is necessary to create a home base that is constantly reminding you of your goals, dreams, and ambitions.
Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life (Running Press, 2003)
Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications.
Through his book, online classes, workshops, podcasts, blogs, consultation, and therapy groups, Dr. Glover has helped change the lives of countless men and women around the world.
“If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun”~Audrey Hepburn
1. Nothing Hidden Nothing Half-assed
To stop being the nice guy and unleash your inner badass, you have to stop hiding and stop half assing. Stop hiding what you are thinking because you are afraid of what other people will say about you. Stop hiding your thoughts and feelings towards women because you are afraid it will upset them and cause tension. Stop bull shitting people to make them happy. Be you
Once you stop lying and keeping things hidden, you must stop half assing things. If you are going to do something, go all in, hold nothing back. If you are half assing, it is probably a sign that you are doing something that is incongruent with who you are and your mission in life, and you should likely reevaluate your reasons for doing it.
2. You Already Have Enough Information
The problem facing most guys today is not lack of information, but rather a lack of action on the information they already know. You already know everything that you need to know to begin taking the action that will help you achieve your goals in your dating, physical, and financial lives. It’s simple.
To be healthy, eat whole foods and exercise everyday. To get good with women, talk to more women. To become rich, work hard on a side hustle until you can quit your job and then save and invest at least 15% of your income. Simple right?
But are you taking the action?
3. Women Need Emotional Tension
Something that most men do not understand is that women want positive tension in their lives (why do you think they enjoy those damn soap operas?). They want a man who will challenge them and tease them. They want a man who is completely unafraid of their reaction.
The best ways to build emotional tension are to touch, tease, and tell.
Touch her playfully throughout the interaction. Touch her arm, spin her, hold her hand, break the touch barrier, the sooner the better. Tease her in a kind hearted way that shows you are a challenge and may even get close to crossing the line every once in awhile. And finally, just freaking tell her what it on your mind. Don’t play games and don’t bullshit.
Build the tension and be brutally honest.
(Touch tease and tell)
Raised on the South Side of Johannesburg, South Africa, Rodney King has been fighting for nearly his entire life. Rodney has been practicing martial arts since a young adult, using his skills to protect himself from violence in his school and community. At 17 Rodney was kicked out of his home by his abusive, alcoholic mother.
Now, many years later, Rodney coaches and trains special forces soldiers, entrepreneurs, and other high performers in martial arts and self management. He has written a book called “Full Contact Living“ and is completing his PHd in embodied leadership.
“The principles of success are easy to understand but hard to master”
1. In Order to Have Success You Have to Put in the Work
Success does not come without work. No matter who you are or how good you believe you are, success does not come without work. You have to put your nose to the grindstone and work, sometimes for years before your goals will come to fruition.
You have to go through the phase of being at the bottom of the totem pole, being completely incompetent before you can become the master.
In order to have success, you have got to put in the work!
2. Perfection is an Illusion
No matter how good you become, you will never be perfect. Perfectionism is a disease that prevents you from living your life to the fullest. If you want to perform at your best, let go of perfectionism, you will never be perfect, but you can be excellent.
You will never be perfect, but you can become a master.
3. Your Body’s Attitude is Crucial
Managing your state is an essential part of success. If your body is slouched and appears weak, you will also feel weak. However, if you have strong posture, stand up straight, smile, and take deep breaths, you will feel powerful and in charge.
Your state helps you to manage your life and take better charge of your emotions and mental state. Learn to master it and there is nothing that you cannot do.
4. Learn What You Need to Learn, Set the Intention and Take Action
The simplest formula for success is this. Learn what you need to learn, set your intention, and take the action.
If you want to become a successful entrepreneur, read, get mentors, and take course until you have the knowledge that you need, set your goal, and start taking massive action to achieve it.
No matter what your goal is, this formula will be the same whether you want to gain muscle, get better with women, become a great father, or start a billion dollar business.
Mark Palm, the president of Samaritan Aviation was raised as a pastor’s son and from a very young age has had a passion for people and aviation. Mark currently holds a Commercial Pilot’s license with an Instrumental Float-plane rating as well as an FAA Aircraft Mechanic’s license.
January, 2010, Mark and his wife Kirsten moved to Wewak, Papua New Guinea to begin Flight Operations in the East Sepik Province. They currently live in Wewak with their three children Sierra, Drake, and Nolan where they run Samaritan Aviation, a company dedicated to providing medical and missional help and support to the people of Papua New Guinea.
“Surround yourself with people who are smarter than you”
1. We are Here to Make a Difference
So often, it is easy to get caught up in making a name for yourself that you forget why we are really here. It’s easy to get caught up in making millions of dollars, having the beautiful wife, the white picket fence, and a safe, cozy lifestyle, that you forget we aren’t here for ourselves. We are here to make a difference.
No matter whether you believe in God, the Universe, or Mother Nature, whoever and whatever put us on this earth didn’t do so arbitrarily, and your existence isn’t an accident. You are here to put a dent in the universe, but that can only happen when you take your eyes off of yourself and start looking towards others.
Even if you believe in no higher power, there is no life better lived than a life of service and impact to others. And the wonderful thing is, living an awesome life full of fast cars, amazing relationships, and travel and living a life of purpose are not mutually exclusive. In fact, if you approach it right, they are often the two most inclusive lifestyles you can live.
2. The Things That Bother You Are Trivial
In the west, we get angry when our wifi is slow, or when we have to slow down our $30,000 car by 20 miles an hour because of traffic. And we allow these petty little things to bother us and we carry them with us throughout our day, never once thinking about how incredibly unimportant these things really are.
You are blessed if you have the means to listen to this podcast. Realize that and quit allowing trivial “problems” to run your life.
3. Listen to Those Who Have Been there Before
One of the best investments you will ever make is into your relationships, particularly your relationships with people who have come before you and can guide you along the best paths.
Whether you are looking to become wealthy, have an amazing marriage, incredible health, make an amazing impact, or have an impeccable spiritual life, find someone who has done if before you and has the results that you want and learn from them. It could be a father or a mother, a friend, a stranger, or even a book. But be sure that you have mentors guiding you through life, because only a fool doesn’t learn from the mistakes of others.
4. Make Your Word Mean Something
One of the most underrated characteristics of a modern man is integrity. Make your word count.
If you say something, you do it. Period.
There are no ifs, ands, or buts. Be a man of your word always. People will respect you more, you will respect yourself more, and your life will become more meaningful and worthwhile when you become known as a man of integrity.
Mark Manson is a professional blogger, entrepreneur, and former dating coach. Since 2007, he’s been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems. He has worked with thousands of people from over 30 different countries.
“One day in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful”~Sigmund Freud
1. What Struggle Are You Willing to Face
One of the best questions that you can ask yourself in life is not “what are my goals” or “what am I passionate about” but rather “How much pain and struggle am I willing to go through?”
Because the simple fact is this, there is no great achievement in life without pain.
You will not become successful at business without going through the pain of sleepless nights, losing money, and having products fail. You will not have a happy fulfilled marriage without first going through rejections, marital struggles, and painful self work. You won’t get a great body without getting off your ass and hitting the gym.
There is no achievement without pain, so the question that you need to ask is “How much pain am I willing to endure?” There is no right or wrong answer, but if you tell yourself that you want to be a bodybuilder, millionaire, playboy and you aren’t willing to get up, go to the gym, do work on your business, and go out on dates, then you need to reevaluate your pain tolerance and adjust accordingly.
2. It’s Important for Life to Suck Sometimes
Many self help gurus would have you believe that life is all sunshine and roses and that nothing bad ever happens to you if you just say this one affirmation every morning. But that’s a load of bullcrap.
Life is going to suck sometimes, if you do things wrong, it’s going to suck a lot of the time. However, this is not a bad thing. No great man was ever forged without first facing some adversity. It is the times where life sucks that you will have your biggest breakthroughs and learn the most about yourself.
Embrace the suck, and use it to make your best life.
3. Happiness Comes from Problems
In continuing with the theme of pain being a positive in life, an important realization to come to is that hapiness and fulfillment do not come from a lack of problems, but rather from solving worthwhile problems.
For some people, this means solving problems in business and figuring out how to impact more people with a limited budget or how to launch a new product when the last one failed. For others this is how to build and raise an amazing family when your marriage is strained and your children don’t respect you.
If you are unhappy in life, chances are the quality of the problems that you are fixing is very low, or worse yet, you aren’t actually taking action to fix the problems you have in the first place.
Realize that solving problems is what brings fulfillment and if you are feeling a sense of lack in your life, simply find better problems to solve whether they are physical, relational, financial, or spiritual.
4. Screw Finding Your Passion
Guess what? You are not entitled to anything. So many people today will tell you that you somehow deserve to make millions doing what you love as if that is one of our “God given and inalienable rights” but the cold truth is that it isn’t.
Instead of focusing on finding your passions, simply do more of what you enjoy doing already. If you can find a way to build it into a business and monetize it, then great, if not, then work a job your enjoy and follow what you are passionate about on the side.
Just because you’re passionate about playing Jazz flute doesn’t mean that you should pack up from your high end executive job that you enjoy, pays well, and allows you to be around for your children to pursue a career as a professional musician, because the simple fact is, even if you do that, there will come a time when playing jazz flute sucks.
No matter how much you love something, there will come a day when you simply don’t feel like waking up and doing it that day. Passion or no.
5. Do Something
Do something, anything.
Do something, anything.
As Churchill once said “The best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
If you are struggling to find the motivation or passions in your life, then just do something. Take a trip, start a new job, launch a blog, just do something.
Jason is a top business and executive coach. He’s a leading expert on human behavior, influence, sales, networking, and leadership. At the heart of his strategy is the understanding that people and your relationships are your true “wealth.” Everything we accomplish in life is with or through other people.
He works with experts, entrepreneurs and executives to help them get known and stand out by building key skill sets and right relationships, creating their brand platform and purpose (including helping them get to the next stage in their business/career), and improving their business strategies/processes. You can reach him at www.BeExtraordinary.tv and to get free networking, personal branding, and other free guides.
If you think dealing with issues like worthiness and authenticity and vulnerability are not worthwhile because there are more pressing issues, like the bottom line or attendance or standardized test scores, you are sadly, sadly mistaken. It underpins everything.”~Brene Brown
1. Align Internally
Before you can truly begin down the path to mastering your relationships, both personal and professional, you must start by mastering the one relationship you have total control over; your relationship with yourself.
To truly become the social genius that you have the potential to be, you must first align internally. This means that you have to be grounded and on purpose, moving your life in a positive direction. It does not mean you have to be perfect, it means that you have to love yourself and constantly work on improving yourself.
Gain control of your emotions, take care of your body, feed your mind good information, do things that light you up with a passion. The more aligned you are internally, the more aligned you will show up externally and the better your relationships will be.
2. Emotions are Key
Whenever you are in any social situation, you must remember that emotions are key. This is true of your emotions and the emotions of others.
Understanding what people are feeling, and what they want to feel will allow you to properly assess your actions and maximize your social value within each situation. Everything people do is based on emotion, learn to understand and harness this power, and your social life will sky rocket.
3. Find Your Sweet Spot
No matter whether you are an employee or entrepreneur, your life will be improved drastically if you work within what Brian Tracy calls your “Area of Genius.” Everyone has a unique gift that can almost always be used in the company they work for or run, it’s up to you to find it.
If you are miserable at your IT job because you love working with people and hate the office, consider switching to something in sales. Find what makes you light up, and crush it.
4. Become an Introducer
One of the most powerful social skills that you can learn is the art of the introduction. Even with people that you just met, if you can increase someone’s social circle while speaking their praises in front of them, you will become instantly liked and appreciated in every social circle you work in.
Although it may seem daunting at first, it’s really as simple as selecting two people that you know (or even don’t know) and simply telling them that you would like to introduce them to someone. You will rarely if ever get turned down and it will add obscene social value in any situation.
Jeffrey Platts is passionate about helping men design and live that has them feeling fully alive. He’s obsessed with finding out what keeps people from being their most authentic. Which is actually what is most attractive. Not just physically. Professionally, financially, emotionally, sexually, socially, spiritually.
Jeffrey Platts is a men’s life and love coach with a background in salsa dancing, world traveling and yoga instruction.
“Whatever I think the world is withholding from me, I am withholding from the world”~Eckhart Tolle
“The cave you fear to enter contains the treasure you seek”~Joseph Campbell
1. If You Want External Change, You Have to Start Internally
On the road to success, in whatever field, be it financially, socially, physically, or emotionally, the change starts inside. No change will happen in your external world without first taking the time to do the deep internal work of finding your why, crushing mental barriers, and setting a clear vision just to name a few.
You need to realize that if you want to see success, you have to work from the inside out and be willing to put in the time and effort on yourself before you will see the results that you are looking for.
2. Your Identity Determines Your Outcomes
Often times, when individuals try to change, a huge stumbling block that they run into is that the identity that they have held for years is incongruent with the new path that they are on.
If you have told yourself that you are a smoker for nearly 20 years, you will find it damn hard to quit smoking because that habit is so tied up in your identity. Therefor, if you want to make any sort of appreciable changes in your life, part of the inner work you need to start with is developing a new positive identity in yourself.
Develop an identity of a man who is disciplined, who is hardworking, who is innovative, who is smart, who is whatever you want to be. Only when your identity is aligned with your goals will you begin to achieve them.
3. Comparison Will Kill Your Dreams
The fastest way to live a miserable, unhappy life is to constantly be in comparison. Guess what, someone will always be richer than you, better looking than you, have a better family than you, date more attractive women than you, and drive a faster car than you.
But that is completely irrelevant.
All that matters is that you are competing with yourself. Are you living up to your full potential within the circumstances that you were given going after the goals you have set? Other people are born with different assets and skills than you and often had successes that came from hardships you would never wish upon your worst enemy.
Learn to congratulate others on their successes without being threatened by them. As the old clique goes, “The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday.”
4. Be Who You Want to be Unapologetically
In society, we are all encouraged to fit in. So fill the social mold and to do what everyone else is doing. This leaves very little room for authenticity and a life on your terms.
Just be who you are unapologetically and don’t worry about what society thinks. Do you love salsa dancing and yoga? Who cares that society sees this as less manly than MMA and Crossfit! Do you want to commit to a loving and monogamous marriage? Who cares that society will tell you that you are less of a man for sleeping with fewer women.
Be who you are and who you want to be completely and without apology.