Dr. Corey Lewis is the author of The Art of Becoming, a professional coach, and a master of NLP and quantum leaping.
“We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are” ~Max Dupree
1. If You to Achieve Something You Must First Conceive it and Believe It
I want you to imagine for a moment that there are three men, let’s call them James, Alex, and Will.
All three men suffered through challenging childhoods and crippling adversity during their younger years, from poverty to the death of family members, to abusive parents.
They have all seen the worst that this world has to offer and lived through a reality where most men wouldn’t last a day.
Now James, the first of the men doesn’t know how he could possibly improve his life, he assumes that this is “just the way it is” and relegates all of his hopes and dreams to childhood fantasies.
Alex, on the other hand, knows that his life could be better.
He constantly finds himself daydreaming of a better life, one filled with an abundance of wealth, unconditional love, vibrant health, and a deep sense of belonging.
However, Alex doesn’t believe that this can be a reality for him.
After all, he is a former convict, drug addict, and grew up in one of the worst families you can imagine. How could he change?
Now, I don’t think it takes a genius to figure out the results that these two men are going to generate in their lives with these types of convictions and beliefs.
But what about Will?
Will is in the same boat as everyone else.
He went to prison in his late teens, never had a father, and is currently broke, alone, and addicted to drugs, but he’s different.
Not only does he know that life can get better for him, he deeply believes that he has what it takes to make it so, he believes that he can change his life, turn things around, and achieve the success he has been dying for his whole life.
You see, the only limits on your life are the ones that you impose upon yourself.
If you can conceive a new way of being, deeply believe that it is possible, and are willing to take the action necessary to do it, you will succeed.
2. Tapping Into Your Emotions Creates the Motion You Need for Success
How many times have you woken up in the morning, intending to get out of bed early and go “seize the day” but found yourself instead rolling over lazily and smashing the snooze button?
How many times have you sat down at your computer intent on working hard and grinding away at your latest project, when three hours later, you find yourself deeply lost in the trap of the internet, throwing your day down the drain?
How many times have you come home after a long day of work intending to hit the gym and work on your health only to find yourself sitting in front of the television on a guilty Netflix binge?
My guess is a lot.
You see the problem isn’t that you are lazy or lack work ethic, the problem is that you lack the emotional drive to create the motion you need to achieve success.
You need to have a burning reason to pursue your dreams, you need to have clear goals, and you need to learn how to tap into the power of your emotions to go after the life that you want.
3. Your Thoughts are the Father of Your Results
If you have anything in your life that you are unhappy with, you need to remember that the root of these results did not start in your bank account, in your relationship, or in your body, but these results started in your mind.
When you look at your bank account and don’t like what you see, you need to remember that these results were caused by your thoughts.
They were caused by your beliefs, your decisions, and your values that were then projected into your reality.
This truth can be seen in any area of your life.
No matter what results you have or don’t have in your life, your thoughts are the cause behind all of them.
And if you can change your thoughts, then you can change your actions, change your actions and you can change your results, and if you can change your results you change your life.
4. Break Down Your Dreams into Achievable Steps
Become a millionaire.
Meet the girl of your dreams.
Lose 100 lbs.
All of these goals are incredible in size and scope and are a scary whenever you look at them without first thinking about how you can break them down into achievable steps.
If you want to become a millionaire, then start by working on earning your first $1,000 a month and build up from there.
If you want to meet the woman of your dreams, then start getting out once a week and meeting awesome women at cool social events.
If you want to lose 100 lbs. then start with 5.
Whatever goal you have, it can be broken down into several smaller steps that will allow you to approach your dreams without feeling overwhelmed or scared.
5. Escape Your Plateaus and Find the Next Level
Life is full of unlimited possibilities and opportunities just waiting for you to show up and take them.
But first, you have to break through your plateaus and realize that you can be living life on an elevated level.
No matter how incredible your life is right now, there is always room to grow, there are always new mountains to be conquered, and there are always new ways to push yourself to become a better man.
Connor Beaton is a thought leader in the men’s community who founded ManTalks, has spoken at events around the nation, including TEDx.
“Aim for fulfillment and success will follow”
1. Stop Chasing the Golden Handcuffs
In most modern western societies, there is one great expectation placed upon all men.
Can you guess what it is?
It’s not to get married and have kids.
It’s not to find a career that they love and find spiritually fulfilling.
Rather, all men are expected to earn.
And not just to earn a living so that they can pursue a life of their choosing, they are expected to earn as much money as they can regardless of the cost.
And while there is nothing wrong with money, most men who pursue those greenbacks with a single-minded intensity soon find themselves financially wealthy, but spiritually, emotionally, and relationally broke.
You need to realize that money is great.
It can enable you to do so much good in the world and make a difference in the lives of countless people.
But it can also become a prison.
Men who chase after careers they dislike in order to achieve a financial status that they don’t really need will often find themselves sitting at home alone, millions in the bank but utterly, and completely miserable.
You see, the real secret to life is to chase fulfillment.
Chase what makes you feel alive, chase what you love, and the money will come.
And even if it doesn’t, you still had a helluva ride and enjoyed life to the fullest.
2. Allow Yourself to Experience Your Success
How many times has this happened to you?
You have spent hundreds of hours working yourself down to the bone to achieve your goals.
You haven’t slept in days, you haven’t allowed yourself to go out with friends in months, and you are on the verge of mental collapse, when finally, you reach your goal.
Whether you hit an income goal, increase your subscriber base, or finally got your first client, you have finally achieved the thing that you had been pursuing for so long.
But there’s a problem.
You don’t allow yourself to acknowledge your victory and enjoy the rewards of your labor.
Instead, you are off to the next goal, the next milestone, the next big thing before you even pause and appreciate what you already have.
One of the most essential parts of success is taking the time to fully experience each of your accomplishments.
No matter what you have achieved, you need to give yourself adequate time to bask in the glow and enjoy the successes you have already reached before you start chasing after the next big thing.
3. You Need to Have Men Who Call You Forward
When was the last time you messed up?
I mean really messed up?
You know, the time that you made the mistake that ended your relationship, that lost you 6-figures in business, or that cost you a trip to the hospital.
Who did you call?
Undoubtedly, you had friends who came to the rescue and told you everything would be alright, but did you have anyone in your life who cut through the crap of the situation and was willing to call you to a higher standard?
Most men have lots of friends on their level and below them, but few of those men have high-level mentors who are willing to call them on their B.S. and tell them when they have messed up.
But you need to realize that the only way forward is to surround yourself with men who are willing to challenge you to achieve at a new level, men who are willing to call you out, and men who are willing to brave your disapproval in an attempt to make you better.
4. If You Want to Achieve Your Goals You Have to Eliminate Porn
Porn is one of the most insidious creations of the modern age.
How many nights have you spent alone in your room, ignoring the real issues and tasks in your life while you were silently kept company by dozens, if not hundreds of virtual women?
How many times have you suppressed the frustrations that you were facing with real women by resorting to a form of “entertainment” where you have unlimited access to any type of woman on the planet, who will do anything that you want, all from the comfort of your own bed?
How many men do you know who lack the passion and drive that they should have because they are wasting all of their energy “experiencing” women online?
The simple fact is this, if you want to achieve the greatest levels of success in your business, your health, and your relationships, then you have to cut out the porn.
There are no questions about it.
It is draining you of your masculinity, of your sex drive, and of your energy to get shi!t done.
Eliminate it from your life as quickly and permanently as you can.
5. Reinvest in Your Creative Side
One of the great travesties of the modern male is that we have all become so caught up with becoming successful in our health, finances, and relationships, that we have completely abandoned all of our creative energies that fulfill us and reinvigorate other aspects of our lives.
If you are feeling lost in your life, if you are feeling unsure of where to go, or if you are simply lacking the motivation that you need to begin pushing the envelope forward in a given area, then you need to reinvest in your creative side.
Whether you take up an instrument, begin writing, dancing, woodworking, or anything else that engages your mind in a new and exciting way, I can guarantee that you will begin to see the world in a new light.
Have you ever noticed how musicians appreciate and describe music (and even the world) in a way that non musicians simply cannot.
Have you ever noticed how writers are able to captivate their audience’s at social gatherings with riveting stories?
Have you ever noticed how men who have learned how to dance are often some of the most creative and enthusiastic partners that a woman will ever experience?
This is not a coincedence.
Engaging in your creative energy will change your life in unexpected and exciting ways.
So whether you are killing it in life right now or are in an existential funk, get out there and get creative.
Justin Constantine is a former Marine who suffered a traumatic gunshot wound to the head in Iraq and retired from the Marine Corps at the rank of lieutenant colonel. He also serves as an attorney and is now an inspirational speaker and leadership consultant who advises the corporate community on military issues and sustaining employee peak performance.
He now serves on the board of directors of several national nonprofit organizations who co-founded the Veteran Success Resource Group in 2015, a military nonprofit that provides full spectrum resources for veterans and their families. He is also a senior advisor at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce Foundation, where he leads a team focused on employment opportunities for wounded veterans and their caregivers.
“This is a wonderful day, I have never seen this one before” ~Maya Angelou
1. We All Face Our Own Adversity
I want you to imagine for a second that your whole world is crumbling down.
You wake up bleary eyed from a fitful night of sleep and check your phone to only to be met with two voice messages informing you that you have one week to pay your mortgage before your home will be foreclosed and the bonus you were expecting has been cut in half due to a recent drop in your company’s stock.
Furthermore, as you rest your head in your hands wondering what you are going to do, your wife, whom you are on the verge of divorcing, enters the room and begins to argue with you about trivialities you don’t understand until you are so frustrated that you storm out of the house, slamming the door behind you.
You decide to skip work for the day and instead drive yourself to a local bar where you intend to drown your worries in whiskey because you just can’t deal with the stress anymore.
Walking through the doors of the dimly lit bar, you notice that there is another man sitting in the bar by himself, looking sullenly into his drink as he fights back tears.
With hopes of finding a companion to share in your misery, you sit down next to him and begin a conversation only to find out that the man had recently suffered a layoff at work after losing his wife of 15 years to cancer.
Startled by his situation and own perceived weakness, you silently curse yourself for your self-pity and decide to keep your own worries to yourself and order another round.
You see, no matter what adversity you are facing, someone else always has it worse and it’s easy to trivialize our own struggles whenever we compare them to the things that others are facing.
But the problem with this mentality is that we fail to realize that comparing away our strugles will not make them dissapear.
Just because you aren’t facing disease, death, or bankruptcy does not mean that your pain is not real and that it does not need to be addressed.
Whatever struggle you are facing, there is only one way to eliminate it.
And that is to admit that you are in pain and seek the help that you need to overcome it.
2. You Can Achieve Anything With Time
The media loves to propagate this myth of the “overnight success.”
They love reporting on stories about the 17 year old entrepreneur who achieved IPO and retired before graduating high school with $20 million dollars in the bank.
Or the actress who landed one movie role and suddenly became the face of Hollywood.
Or even the “Biggest Loser” who dropped 150 lbs. of fat and became a model of health and athleticism.
But the thing is, none of these people’s success happened overnight.
It happened after years and years of working behind the scenes, after countless sleepless nights toiling away at their craft, and after thousands upon thousands of disciplined mornings brought them the results that they wanted.
You need to remember that no goal you have is out of your reach, it will just take time and it will take sacrifice.
It will require that you give up on the “good” so that you can step into the “great.”
It will mean that you miss out on parties and dates and time with friends while you work to build your legacy and achieve your dreams.
Nothing is out of your reach, but you must be patient and you must be diligent if you want to achieve it.
3. It’s Ok to Ask for Help
Do you remember when you first learned to ride a bike?
Do you remember the feeling of the wind in your hair, the rub of the helmet strap against your chin, the exhilaration in your stomach as you accelerated down the street…
And the sudden halt whenever you suddenly hit an unexpected bump and flew over the handlebars crashing into the ground with a definitive thud.
As you sat on the street, blood oozing from the raspberries on your knees and elbows, you began to cry and if your father was present, he likely responded to your accident with four words “Man up! You’re ok!”
As an adult, your father knew that you would be fine, but as a young boy, you felt that your world was caving in around you and the only response that you receive was to suck it up and be a man.
While instances like this may seem relatively benign in the big scheme of things, this mantra of “Man up! You’re fine!” is repeated over and over to the men of our society like a record on repeat until we reach a point where, no matter our struggle, we simply bear it and grin, refusing to ask for help because we fear that we will appear weak or vulnerable.
The simple truth, however, is that we all need help.
We all have our inner demons, we all have our struggles, we all have those dark places we don’t let anyone see that eat us alive at night.
And the only way to overcome them is to be willing to reach out to others and ask for help
You need the support of others, you especially need a group of men in your life who can be with you through the hard times and help keep you on the right path.
You are not alone, and you don’t need to be. Whether you need to join a men’s mastermind, hire a coach to talk to, or simply call up an old friend, if you are in pain then get help.
Talk to someone and be real about the struggles in your life, I promise it will be one of the best decisions that you ever make.
4. Forget What You “Should” Be Doing
With the holiday season in full swing, most of you who are going to visit family are going to hear one word more than any other, “Should.”
You should get a job and quit trying to build your silly business.
You should find a girlfriend and stop partying.
You should quit spending so much time on silly pursuits like travel and art and just get married and get a job instead.
You should do this.
You should do that.
But the truth is, there is no guidebook for what you should be doing as a man.
No one in society can tell you what is right for you, whether it is entrepreneurship or the 9-5, marriage or the bachelor life, travel or settling down.
Life is a beautiful buffet with countless options and most men feel weighed down with the expectations that society sets that we are supposed to earn a certain amount of money, marry a certain type of person, or live a certain type of life.
5. Define Your Own Version of Success
With New Year’s right around the corner, everyone is going to be setting new goals and resolutions for 2017.
And I can tell you without ever meeting the person or knowing a darn thing about them who is most likely to succeed based purely upon what they write down.
You see, most people want to achieve success but they never truly define what success means.
They set vague and ambiguous goals that are uncompelling and uninspiring.
Everyone says that they want to lose weight, make more money, have a more abundant dating life, and achieve more, but what does that really mean?
How much weight do you want to lose?
How much money do you want to make?
Who do you want to be dating and how frequently?
You see, the only way to truly achieve “success” is to have a clear picture of what success means to you.
For some people, success is an easy going 9-5, $10,000 in the bank and a happy family.
Other people would become depressed if they are making less than $10,000,000 a year and travelling 11 months out of the year.
If you want to achieve success, you need to define what it means to you first, and then set out to achieve it second.
Jason Saltzman is a seasoned entrepreneur with a background in sales and marketing. Through his role as CEO of Alley and as a TechStars mentor, he advises hundreds of startups, offering real life practical application and creative marketing advice. He is also considered a “must know” in the New York City entrepreneurial scene.
“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” ~
1. Your Ideas Are Irrelevant to Your Success
Everyone is familiar with the phrase “Billion dollar idea.”
And more than mere familiarity, everyone I know of has actually had one of these billion dollar ideas.
They prance around for a few days or a week telling their friends and family about this new concept they developed that is going to revolutionize the world in some weird way.
Whether it’s a microwave that never burns your popcorn, a shirt that you never have to wash, or an actual flying car, everyone has had one of these ideas at some point in their life.
So why the hell are they not all billionaires?
Because ideas are irrelevant to success, execution is the only thing that matters.
A good idea is worth exactly $0 unless it is acted upon, unless it is taken from idea to concept, from concept to prototype, and prototype to product.
You have to realize that this is one of the irrefutable truths of entrepreneurship.
You can have the greatest ideas on the planet, but without a propensity for action and the ability to execute your ideas at lightning fast speeds, you will never succeed.
2. Success Requires Patience
There is an old quote from Tony Robbins that “We overestimate what we can accomplish in a year and underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade.”
And it’s true.
Most people want to completely turn their lives around in a short 12 month period, and while it is definitely possible, it is also highly improbable.
Success takes time, but most people are unwilling to take the time necessary to succeed.
And this seems odd to me.
Because when you think about it, that time will pass whether you are patiently pursuing your dreams or doing something that makes you miserable, the only difference is that one path will result in a lifetime of success and happiness and one will result in misery and malcontent.
Jason spent nearly 15 years as an entrepreneur before he saw the success he wanted.
15 years of late nights, subpar revenue, failed businesses, stress, and frustration.
He could have quit, he could have gone the route of the 9-5, he could have said that it just wasn’t worth it.
And what would have happened if he had?
Instead of achieving success a little bit later in life than he would have preferred, he likely never would have achieved success.
His impatience would have lead to failure and he wouldn’t be on the show with the knowledge, wisdom, and results that he has today.
3. Entrepreneurship Can Suck
Have you ever met someone who has actually been to war?
If you have ever had the courage to ask them about their service, you have likely heard them all utter the phrase “It ain’t like you see in the movies.”
In our modern society, we glamorize war. We show soldiers valiantly defending their country, overcoming unbeatable odds, and heroically facing the enemy.
But the reality of war is much different.
If you have ever spoken with a veteran, they will tell you how war really is.
They don’t feel courageous or valiant as they witness their friends dying next to them. They don’t feel like heroes as they struggle through wounds and exhaustion to hold back the enemy, and they sure as hell don’t feel glamorous as they are crawling through the desert with a broken leg and three bullet wounds, their entire team wiped out by the opposition.
And while entrepreneurship is nowhere close to the same league as war, the parallel is pretty clear.
Everyone glamorizes entrepreneurship.
They glamorize “working for yourself”, they glamorize the financial freedom, they glamorize IPO and acquisition, but they leave out the messy details.
Very few people would want to be an entrepreneur if they saw the sleepless nights, the stress, the anxiety, and the struggle that comes with it.
Does it sound glamorous to have to spend three days without food because you have invested all of your income into a new marketing campaign and your invoices don’t clear until Friday?
Does it sound like fun to spend 6 months living on your family’s couch working 16 hours a day, missing out on all the “fun” your friends are having while you grind away at your business with no tangible results for your effort?
Does it sound like fun to fail time after time after time and somehow have to find the will to keep going despite the ridicule and shame that your family, friends, and society try to project onto you?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you are either delusional or masochistic.
You need to realize that entrepreneurship sucks.
Is it worth it once you succeed? Of course!
Is it easy to achieve that success? Hell no!
4. Arrogance Guarantees Failure
How many times have you met that person, whether they were an entrepreneur, corporate drone, or simply an acquaintance who thought that they knew it all?
Despite their lack of results, they still decided that the best path forward was to ignore anybody who disagreed with them, regardless of that person’s acumen or skill set.
You know the type, maybe you even are the type.
I am talking about the overweight guy in the gym who gets a tip from a local fitness pro and then ignores it saying, “I know what I am doing! I’ve watched the YouTube videos”
Or the broke guy who tries to give family financial advice, and then once his rich cousin corrects him on something and suggests an alternative, he lashes out and says “You don’t know what you are talking about! Haven’t you read anything on Forbes?”
Or even the guy who has maybe had some success with women and goes out to a nightclub with his friend who is practically casanova incarnate, and then after a few rejections, his friend comes over with a model on each arm and makes a recommendation only to get the sharp response “I’ve got this man, I don’t need your help”
You need to realize that nothing will stand between you and success like your own ego.
Arrogance will take you down a one-way street to failure because quite frankly, you don’t know it all, you don’t even know the half of it.
If you want to succeed then you need to surround yourself with people who are smarter than you who actually have the results you want and then do what they say.
Because if you try and go it alone, you will fail.
5.The Obstacle is the Way
We have an unfortunate propensity in our modern culture to avoid adversity.
We take the elevator instead of the stairs, we use Tinder instead of approaching women, we stay in the shitty safe job instead of taking the leap into self-employment, and we generally live lives of discontentment because we like to stay comfortable.
But one of life’s great truths is that, as Ryan Holiday says, “The obstacle is the way, what is in the way becomes the way”
The very things that are standing in your way are the same things that will lead to your success.
Overcoming your fear of approaching women will turn you into the kind of man who has success with women.
Struggling through a new training program will give you the resilience and grit that you need to build and maintain your ideal body.
Surviving the pain of quitting your job with giving you the emotional fortitude you need to keep going in your new entrepreneurial endeavors.
The obstacle is the way.
Lee Ellis is President and Founder of Leadership Freedom® and FreedomStar Media™. For more than fifteen years he has served as an executive coach and a corporate consultant in the areas of hiring, teambuilding, leadership development, and succession planning.
His clients include Fortune 500 senior executives and C-Level leaders in a variety of industries. Since 1990, Lee has managed the development, validation, and internet deployment of several personality and leadership assessments that have been used by more than 200,000 individuals.
“Be courageous. Lean into the pain of your doubts and fears to do what you know is right, even when it feels unnatural or uncomfortable.” ~Lee Ellis
1. Living a Life of Honor is the Ultimate Success
There was once a story that one of my employees shared with me about a life lesson his grandfather had shared with him during his summer stint working as a landscaper.
His grandad had spent nearly a decade of his life operating a construction contracting business, designing and building custom homes for the upper class members of his hometown.
One of his clients who had been a long time acquantaince hired his grandfather to build a home costing several hundred thousand dollars (back in the 80’s).
Happy to oblige his friend, the grandfather took the contract and completed the home to perfection.
When the work was done and the house was built, he went to his friend to collect the payment for his services.
His friend however, had no intention of paying for the home and due to the ambiguous terms of their contract, he knew that pursuing a law suit would be a costly endeavor.
My employee’s grandfather simply shrugged and shook the man’s hand saying “If you can live with it, then I can live without it.”
He continued on grinding and working hard, developing a number of successful businesses throughout the years and achieving great successes in his personal and professional life, always conducting business with integrity and honor.
The other man however, despite his massive financial success, died of a massive heart attack at his office, alone and unloved.
While the contrast between the two men may seem obvious, the true moral of this story is that success is not about material wealth or finanical gain.
It’s about doing the right thing no matter what the cost.
That is no small order, but if you can carry out your life with honor each and every day, you will be able to die fulfilled and live a life of joy and companionship.
2. You Cannot Manage Yourself Unless You Know Yourself
How many of you have taken the Myers Brigg’s Personality Test?
If you have, then odds are good that some of the conclusions the test made about you and your personality may have surprised you.
And herein lies one of the greatest problems with our society.
We do not value introspection and self knowledge like Eastern societies and ancient people’s did.
We value work and results.
And while these two things are important, you will never be able to achieve at your fullest potential if you do not know yourself as deeply and intimately as possible.
Just think about it.
How can you ever expect to perform at a high level if you do not first know who you are and how you perform?
How can you succeed when everything you are doing is in stark opposition to your deeply held values and personality?
You must discover who you really are, how you work best, what personality traits you have, what motivates you, what discourages you, what strikes fear into your heart, and what you truly want.
Because unless you can answer those questions, you will never truly tap into your potential.
3. Guard Your Character and Make Decision Based Upon Values
The greatest travesty of every generation is the young men and women with boundless potential who waste everything because they did not guard their character.
Everyone knows that kid, maybe you met them in high school or grew up with them in your hometown, who showed tremendous potential growing up.
They were the captain of the football team, the straight A student and the leader of all of the clubs at their school.
They had it all.
But somewhere along the lines, they screwed up.
They made that one compromise of character that opened up Pandora’s box and destroyed their lives.
Maybe they cheated on one test and lost a scholarship, maybe they started abusing drugs and were arrested in their first semester, maybe they slept around and ended up getting someone pregnant.
Whatever they did, it shocked you because you knew that wasn’t like them.
And that’s the point.
It takes a lifetime to develop a reputation and build your character, but only one dumb decision to compromise it.
If you want to live a fulfilling and joyful life, then you have to make decision based upon your values and not your impulses.
While everyone operates under different moral codes, you all know what you consider wrong and right and when you should or should not do something.
Listen to that voice in your head and do not compromise your character for anyone or anything.
4. You Have to Balance Results and Relationships
There are two basic styles of leadership, results focused and relationship focused.
And odds are, if you have spent any appreciable amount of time in the world of high performance leadership, you have come into contact with both styles of leaders.
The results focused leader is the stereotypical drill sergeant style of leadership. These are the men who want things to get done, they don’t care who does it or what excuses come up, they simply want things and want them now.
Relationship-oriented leaders on the other hand are the types of leaders who care more about their people then the mission, they are the ones who, while admittedly kinder are more likely to get pushed around and taken advantage of.
Both styles have their own unique strengths and weaknesses, and all truly excellent leaders know how to balance these two styles of command to achieve their desired outcome.
The leader who knows how to balance relationships and results will be able to discern between employees who have been misplaced and assigned to positions that are incongruent with their personalities and employees who are just darn lazy.
The leader who knows how to balance relationships and results will be able to know when he is pushing his people too hard and when they have potential to go further.
The leader who can balance relationships and results will be able to achieve anything he sets his mind to because he will have his followers love as well as their respect.
5. Face Your Fears and Doubts
Every man has fears and doubts about his worth, ability, and potential.
They are bred into us from an early age by society, friends, and even family.
But you must realize something.
As a man, outside of your integrity, no characteristic will determine your success and fulfillment more than your ability to feel the fear and do it anyways.
When Lee and his friends were being tortured and imprisoned by the Viet Cong, do you think that they were not afraid? Do you think that none of them ever thought about betraying their country or ending their own lives to escape the torment?
Of course they did!
And some of them did.
Now, years after the fact, it is the men who were able to embrace their fears and doubts and stand strong who are seen as heroes, who are loved by their brothers in arms, and who can live with a clean conscience and a full heart.
Your ability to face and overcome your fears is part of what defines you as a man.
Never your fears hold you back from greateness, because at the end of the day, even if you die facing your fears, we are all dead men, and there is nothing more noble and honorable than to give your life pursuing what God put you on this earth to do.the worst thing.
Ryan Stewman is a high-performance sales coach and trainer who went from spending two stints in federal prison to building a multiple seven figure income.
He is the author of several best-selling books including Kick-Ass, Bulletproof Business, Elevator to the Top, and Hardcore Closer.
“You gotta take action before you can take over”
1. Action not Knowledge Leads to Success
If you have been involved in the personal development world for any appreciable amount of time, then you have inevitably come across the people, shall we call them “Pathological learners” who are voracious consumers of knowledge.
They know all of the latest market trends, are well-versed in the high-performance practices of characters like Tony Robbins and Jack Canfield, and can tell you how to start and grow a business from inception to 7-figures.
And yet, when you look at the results in their lives, what do you find?
Nothing, nada, zilch.
They live in a 400 square foot apartment, are overweight, and in a relationship that looks like something out of a bad soap opera.
Yet they know all this information!
The problem is that they do not apply it. You have to realize that knowledge without action is useless.
Only applied knowledge is power, and if you have spent years devoting your time and energy to learning without taking the proper proportion of action, then it is time to get off your ass, leave the theory on your nightstand, and get in the game.
2.Suffering is a Temporary But Essential Part of Life
When was the last time you experienced suffering? I mean true suffering.
Not the “My dog is sick” or “The 49ers lost their last game”, but real, visceral suffering, the kind that keeps you up at night, deprives you of joy, and makes you question your purpose on this planet.
Perhaps you lost a family member or a friend, underwent a nasty divorce, lost your home, job, and family in bankruptcy, or even suffered from a life-changing disease or injury.
Whatever that suffering was (or is) you need to internalize one of life’s great truths, spoken over a century ago by Abraham Lincoln.
“This too shall pass”
No suffer, no matter how devastating and debilitating it may feel, is permanent. And what is more? It is necessary to build you into the man that you need to become.
I am not telling you that your pain will be easy to bear, but I am telling you that it will be worth it.
3. Ignore the Haters and Embrace the True Players
One of the greatest tragedies of the modern world is that men with unlimited potential and unimaginable abilities allow themselves to be smothered by the advice and criticisms of unambitious, underachieving, and jealous peers.
Every time you go to the office look at the men to your left and to your right.
What do you see?
Do you see men embracing their true potential, taking control of their lives, and creating an incredible future full of freedom and joy?
Or do you see men who have allowed the doubts and misgivings of society, family, and friends to hold them back from their dreams and desires?
On your path to success, you will be faced with many, many, many haters, doubters, and naysayers.
They will tell you it cannot or should not be done only out of their own insecurities and fears.
But if you want to unleash the giant inside of you and reach your full potential, you must ignore these people, whether they are bosses, life-long friends, or even family members.
Only take advice from those who are achieving what you want to achieve, and ignore the rest.
End of discussion.
4. Education not Schooling is What Separates the Winners from the Losers
There is a fallacious belief circulating the modern world that tells all young men the only path to success is through higher education.
And while college can be a great choice for some people, it is not the ultimate road to massive achievement.
I want you to think back to your highschool and college years.
If your experience was anything like mine, then at some point, you inevitably came across two different types of guys: The learner and the hustler.
The learner was someone you would describe as the stereotypical nerd. He was smart, worked hard in classes, and did everything right.
He made good marks, graduated with honors, and probably had several high level job offers waiting for him upon graduation.
The hustler however, is a different breed.
This was the man who spent his days building something that he believed in, working towards his dream, and focusing more on his practical education than his education.
Sure, he still applied himself to his schooling, but, as Mark Twain said he “Never let his schooling get in the way of his education.”
Which of these two men do you think ultimately achieved more? Who became more successful? Who was able to create something that would last and create freedom for themselves and their families?
Hint, it’s not the guy with all A’s.
5. Your Past Does Not Determine Your Future
Imagine, if you will, a man who spent his whole life as a criminal, stealing, lying, and terrorizing his way to “success.”
After being arrested for one of his many crimes and spending nearly half a decade of his life behind bars, he is released back into the world and left with a choice.
He can either allow past decisions, events, and circumstances to determine his future, or he can lift a middle finger to mistakes and decide to create a different life for himself, to rebuild himself, and create a new identity as a man of honor, integrity, and love.
Most people don’t believe that you can ever overcome your past.
And quite frankly, most people are full of shit.
Every single day, you are faced with the same decision as the man above, you can either bend a knee and supplicate yourself to the flaws and mistakes of your past self, or you can start anew and recreate yourself into the kind of man you would be proud to be.
Which decision will you make?
STEVE FARBER, the president of Extreme Leadership, is a leadership consultant and speaker, and the author of the national bestseller The Radical Leap, The Radical Edge, and Greater Than Yourself.
“Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail” ~Kinky Freedman
1. Love is Just as Critical to Business as it is to Relationships
There is an interesting paradigm shift that occurs when most men shed their casual shirts and loafers and don their three-piece suits and black oxfords to prepare for a day at work.
Only minutes before these men set out to bring home the bacon, they are acutely aware of their need to show up in their daily lives with an unconditional love and compassion towards the people they care about.
However, as they rev the engine to their four-door saloon and begin the dreaded “cubicle commute” something changes.
They no longer hold the internal belief that “love is the answer.” Instead, they approach their day with a cold hearted mentality that values little more than efficiency and results.
But they are missing something.
You see, the laws that govern social interactions and leadership are laws for a reason. They apply inside of the office just as much as they apply outside.
And yet, most leaders seem to forget that just like building a family requires love and acceptance, building a business requires a deep sense of love and appreciation, not just for what you do, but for the people you do it with.
While you might earn a decent income by approaching your business with an attitude of ruthlessness and aggression, you will be able to build something infinitely more impactful and powerful by approaching your business with an attitude of unconditional love.
Love your employees, seek to help them grow to meet their potential and achieve their dreams.
Love your customers, not by trying to sell them a product or service, but by listening to them and discovering how you can serve them to the best of your ability.
Love the work that you do, the people that you do it with, and the people that you do it for and the results will be greater than your wildest dreams.
2. Expand Yourself to Expand Others
I want you to imagine that you are a soldier on the field of battle.
The bullets are flying, mortars are exploding, and the screams of the wounded and dying fill your ears.
When all of the sudden, BAM! You fall down to the dirt as a bullet makes contact with your torso. As you lay in the sand, bullets pinging off the earth around you, you look over to your left and see that one of your friends has been wounded as well.
After a few seconds of recovery, you realize that your wound is not fatal.
What happens next?
If you are a fan of war movies or someone with a particularly idealistic view of the world, you would likely say “Run and help your friend!”
And while this is a noble sentiment, it is also entirely foolish.
Before you can help your wounded brother in arms, you need to first take care of yourself. You need to clean and dress your wound and ensure that it will not impede your ability to save your friend and finish the fight.
And this is where most men get it wrong.
We invest so much time and energy into others around us, trying to give everything we have without realizing that a life of complete selflessness is truly the ultimate selfishness.
If you are not taking the time to consistently expand your own mind, your own abilities, your own skillsets, spirit, and emotional resilience, then how the hell can you expand others?
You cannot give what you do not have, and the first step to truly serving others is to serve yourself.
Take time for yourself, allow yourself to recharge and recuperate, invest into your growth and education.
Then, and only then, will you be fully equipped and able to serve others to your fullest capacity.
3. The Greatest Leaders are the One’s Who Focus on Making Others Greater than Themselves
I want you to imagine for a second that it is Friday night.
After a long week of grinding and hustling to achieve your dreams, you are ready to let your hair down and have planned an epic “Boys Night Out” with your friends at a local nightclub.
Normally, this night is reserved for you and 4 other close friends, but tonight is different. Tonight, two of the men in your crew are bringing along a friend of their own.
Suited up, looking dapper as Frank Sinatra himself, and ready to have one helluva night, you roll up to the first venue and walk in to meet the new guys.
The first guy, is a tall, shredded, specimen of a guy, adorned in the latest designer clothes, his hair slicked back perfectly, wearing a smile bright enough blind you.
The second guy is relatively plain. By all outward appearances, he is completely average, he doesn’t look like Homer Simpson, but he’s no Brad Pitt.
Now, with the first impressions out of the way, you begin interacting with these two men and start to see their true character appear.
The first man, while a class act by appearances, spends the entire night focused on himself.
He is constantly talking about himself, his achievements, and his plans. And while his accomplishments are admittedly impressive, he never pauses the conversation long enough for you to get a word in.
The second man however, barely speaks about himself at all. Not because he is trying to be mysterious, but rather because he is so intent and so focused on you. Not only is he a master at asking questions and learning about who you are and what you want, but more importantly, he seems genuinely interested and intrigued to find out more.
Now the night shifts and your crew begins talking to a few of the local girls hanging around the bar.
Guy #1 immediately jumps in, bragging about all of his accomplishments and telling everyone within earshot just how great he is, completely blocking you from even introducing yourself to the increasingly annoyed beauties at his side.
Man #2 however, doesn’t say a word about himself, he takes every opportunity that is presented to tell the woman he is talking to just how great you are and gives you opportunities to humbly boast about your own accomplishments and successes.
Who are you going to want to hang out with after that night? Who will you want to initiate into your group? Who would you be willing to follow?
I think the answer is pretty clear.
4. See the Pain as a Learning Experience
Whenever you are in pain, there is one phrase that you never, ever, ever, want to hear.
“This is an opportunity for you to learn”
However, your cries for silence notwithstanding, truer words have never been spoken.
I want you to think back with me for a moment.
Almost all of you have probably experienced a breakup at some point in your life, and many of us have experienced heart breaks so devastating that we thought we would never recover.
Now, I want you to relive that pain.
I want you to go back to the minute that you read that text, hung up the phone, or left that cafe and realized “It’s over.”
It sucks right… Keep going.
I want you to remember the nights where you cried yourself to sleep, the days when you couldn’t focus at work because all you could think about was how much you missed her, those moments of weakness where you wallowed in self-pity believing that you would never find someone as good as her.
And now, I want you to come back to the present.
For many of you, the pain described above is still very real, for some of you it may have even happened in the past month, or week, or even day.
But for many of you, this pain is a distant memory, time has healed the old wounds, and you have moved on with your life.
And for almost all of you, you learned some of the most valuable lessons you have ever learned in the process.
We live in a society that avoids pain, avoids failure, and avoids anything short of perfection.
But you have to realize that pain is our greatest teacher, failure is our greatest ally, and perfection is a ghost that leaves us with nothing.
Any man who undergoes a radical change in his life almost always does so out of a place of pain.
And as he progresses on his path and looks back at the steps he has taken, he realizes that the pains and failures that he endured were the very things that equipped him to live the life that he loves today.
Don’t fear pain and failure, learn from them.
5. You Are Responsible for Your Own Experience
There was an old study compiled in the 50’s-60’s, and while I can’t remember exactly where I read it, the lesson it taught is one of the most profound and life-altering truths that you can learn.
The study followed the lives of two identical twin brothers who grew up in a family with an abusive alcoholic father. Decades after leaving their home, the twins were interviewed by the researchers, who found results that were nothing short of extraordinary.
One of the brothers ended up almost exactly as his father had, except worse. He was heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol, homeless, and had spent years of his life in and out of jail for countless petty crimes.
When the researchers asked him why he ended up where he was, his response was simple, “With a father like mine, how could I have done things any differently?”
The other brother’s story, however, was quite different.
When the researchers tracked down the second brother, they found him living in the suburbs, happily married with two children and a flourishing career.
Surprised at the marked difference between the brothers, the researchers asked the second twin the exact same question.
How did you end up here?
“With a father like mine, how could I have done things any differently?”
You see, you are not responsible for the crap that happens to you in life.
Economies crash, family and friends die, accidents happens, and life throws a wrench into your best laid plans.
But you are 100% responsible for your reaction to your circumstances, the story you tell yourself about your circumstances, and ultimately, the experience that you have in life.
You can choose how you react to situations, you can determine the story that you tell, and you, and only you, can decide right here and now whether you are going to take the sh!t that life throws at you laying down or whether you are going to be a man of grit and determination and create a future for yourself regardless of the cards you have been dealt.
Ajit is co-founder of Blinkwebinars and Evercoach. He is also CEO of Mindvalley Media, the publishing arm of the Mindvalley Group. He also helps other business as a mentor in a private mastermind, Zentreprenur.
Ajit also sits on the board for companies like Digital Academy India, Omvana, and Mindvalley Italy. In his free time, he likes to work on self-development, reiki, and his cooking skills. He is passionate about marketing and sales.
“It is better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing than to have a long life doing something you hate” ~Alan Watts
1. External Succes is Fleeting
So many men try and pursue external success and validation thinking that it will make them happy and fulfilled, but the truth is, success has nothing to do with your external accomplishments.
True happiness, true success, and true fulfillment comes from living a life based around offering value and living the values that you hold dear.
It comes from loving others, filling your days with incredible experiences, and spending time doing the things that you enjoy.
That new house, raise, or car might make you happy, but only for a moment.
2. Success is About Living a Value Based Life
Success, true success, comes from living a life that is congruent with your deeply held values and beliefs.
If you value time with your family but work 80 hours a week to earn 7-figures, you are not a success. If you value your health, but give it up so that you can party with friends to try and look cool, you are not a success.
You are only a success if your thoughts, words, and actions are aligned with your deepest values and the man that you want to be.
3. Focus on Showing Up not Achieving Goals
A life focused on achieving goals is a life of misery, because goals are constantly shifting and as soon as one is accomplished, you are left with a deep void and a sense of “What’s next?”
If you want to live a fulfilled and happy life, then focus more on showing up each day as the man that you want to be.
Be fully present in every conversation, treat others with respect and kindness, worry more about the impact you are having on those around you than the potential benefit that they can be to you and your goals.
When you make this mental shift, you will be more loving, kind, and generous, and the funny thing is, the universe will reciprocate this and you will likely achieve those goals that you had set because you are no longer focused on them.
4. Stop Trying to Live Up to The Expectations of the World
The world pushes all of these unrealistic expectations and standards on you, trying to convince you to conform to its standards and desires.
However, to live the life of your dreams, you must shun the expectations of the world and instead create your own expectations for yourself and your future.
You decide who you want to be, what you want to accomplish, and most important how you want to show up, not the world.
Once you truly internalize this, the freedom and joy that you will feel is almost unparalleled.
5. Keep People First
In business, relationships, and pretty much every other area of life, make sure that you are keeping people first.
In your business, focus on your clients, not your revenue.
In your relationships, focus on adding value and not taking value.
In your health, focus on how your improved performance and energy will affect those around you and not on how it will boost your own ego.
Always keep people first and you will never lose.
Geoff Blades is an author of Do What You Want and an advisor to senior Wall Street professionals, CEOs, and other leaders, on all topics related to getting what they want in their businesses, careers, and lives.
In his lifetime, he went from frying chicken at KFC to working at Goldman Sach’s to quitting his “dream career” to pursue his real dream of helping others achieve the life that they want.
“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
1. What Do You Want? Go Get It
One of the most fundamental questions that you can ask yourself is also one of the simplest; “What do I want?”
Until you can answer this question for yourself and not base it on the desires that family, peers, and society try and project upon you, you will be like a ship without a rudder.
No matter how fast you are going, it will never be in the right direction.
Take some time away from all external influences and really decide what you want for yourself in the areas of health, wealth, relationships, and personal growth.
Then, once you have a clear picture of what you want, hustle like crazy until you achieve it.
2. All Success is Based upon Your Desire for an Emotion
Whenever you are trying to determine what you really want in life, it is easy to think that your desires are based on a certain thing or achievement.
In reality, all of your desires for external successes and validation stems from your desire to feel a certain way.
Why do you want a million dollars in the bank?
It’s not because you want the million dollars.
It’s because you want to feel the safety, significance, and the freedom (and subsequent joy) that you will experience by earning a million dollars.
Once you realize that all of your desires to achieve certain goals are basically desires to feel a certain emotion, you can analyze your goals in a more pragmatic and realistic way.
3. Resistance Comes from Negative Projections
The only reason that you face resistance in your pursuit of your dreams is because of the negative projections that are associated with the work that you need to do to achieve your goals.
Think about it.
No one needs to motivate you to watch TV or eat that piece of cake. It’s an easy task that (for most people) has no associated negative projections.
What if you were able to approach your work and your mission with the same attitude?
Instead of projecting pain and struggle in your work, learn to find joy and satisfaction in the struggle.
Learn to appreciate your work and associate a massive amount of pleasure with everything that you do.
4. Focus on the Journey and not the Destination
Success is never about an outcome.
It is about the man you become on your path towards that outcome.
Every man who undergoes radical financial, physical, emotional, or social changes has simultaneously undergone radical personal changes.
The man who goes from flipping burgers to a millionaire, from fat to fit, or from textbook nerd to social powerhouse, have all undergone massive internal changes that brought about their new realities.
They became grittier, more determined, more dedicated, more educated, and more alive.
Realize that the best part of success is the journey that it takes you on and the person that you become along the way, not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
5. Create Two Systems: One for Your Mind and One For Actions
One of the quickest ways to create a success filled life is to create a series of systems for mastering your mind and your actions.
This means that you need to work on developing systems to help train your brain and create mental focus and resilience while simultaneously creating systems to help you take action towards your goals and dreams.
This can be anything from meditation, exercise, journaling, practicing productivity hacks, reading, or waking up earlier in the morning.
Whatever it is for you, build your systems and then execute them ruthlessly.