Charles Chen is a TV Host, Traveling Chef, Wellness Expert, Creator of Dinner Club based in Los Angeles & New York City. At one point in his life, Charles struggled with his health and weighed up to 260 pounds. Charles was pre-diabetic, lethargic, and had no motivation. Since then Charles has lost over 100 pounds, reclaimed his health through adopting a whole foods lifestyle and now passionate about helping others live their best life!
Charles was pre-diabetic, lethargic, and had no motivation. Since then Charles has lost over 100 pounds, reclaimed his health through adopting a whole foods lifestyle and now passionate about helping others live their best life!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” ~Marriane Williamson
1. You Have the Power to Change Your Story in an Instant
How long does it take to change your life?
Does it take months, years, decades?
Or is it possible to change your life and your story in an instant and with one single decision?
I believe that all change happens in an instant.
You have the ability to elevate your life and transform your story in a single heartbeat whenever you decide that enough is enough, whenever you realize that you physically cannot continue living life the way that you have been living.
And this moment comes at different times for every person reading this.
Maybe your transformation was/will be precipitated by a divorce, a heart attack, a bankruptcy or another catastrophic event.
Or maybe it will be something much simpler and (for you) more profound.
Your story may change one morning when you look at yourself in the mirror and don’t like what you see. It might come whenever your wife or girlfriend asks if you really love them. Or maybe it will come when you wake up with a hangover for the sixth day in a row and realize that there has to be more to life.
But for some of you, you will never have these life-shattering events or enlightened moments of self-reproach.
For some of you, you must make the conscious decision that you are going to change your story.
No matter where you are in your life, you have the power to change everything in an instant.
If you have strong enough reasons and a powerful plan of action, you will succeed.
2. Discover Who You Really Are
This is a tenant and axiom of life that is almost as old as life itself.
But how many of us actually take the time to apply it?
How many of us take the time out of our “busy” days that are filled to the brim with social media, meaningless sitcoms, and endless distractions to actually sit alone with ourselves in silence and ask the question “Who am I?”?
How many of delve deep into our own consciousness and psyche to discover who we really are and, more importantly, who we want to become?
Self-knowledge is the key to achieving success in every area of your life, and if you are not consciously taking time out of every day to sit in silence, meditate, and dive into your mind, then you are on a path that can only end in failure.
3. Take Full Responsibility for Yourself
Did you ever see the movie “Finding Nemo”?
Do you remember the part where Nemo gets stuck in the filter?
As he slaps his fins around helplessly all of the tank’s other occupants rush to help him, all except one.
The jaded old “Gill” comes over and orders every other fish in the tank to let Nemo find his own way out stating “You got yourself in there and you can get yourself out”.
Despite Nemo’s pleas and cries to the contrary, he eventually summons up the courage to pull himself out of the filter swim to safety.
Later in the movie, this simple action was all that it took to give Nemo the courage that he needed to escape captivity and be reunited with his father.
And while comparing your life to a movie about a missing fish might sound overly simplistic, the world’s greatest lessons are often shared in the simplest ways.
One of life’s simplest truths is this: If you want to be successful then you must take full responsibility for everything in your life and everything not in your life.
Your results are yours and yours alone.
Your choices determined the body, bank account, and relationships that you have right now.
And as soon as you are willing to admit this, you are able to take the leap forward and elevate your life.
As soon as you take responsibility you realize that you also have the ability to change the way that things are.
4. Always be the ‘Dumbest’ Person in the Room
Success requires a borderline sadistic commitment to intentional “self-deprecation.”
And no I don’t mean that you should constantly be putting yourself down or joking about your poor sexual performance.
What I mean is that the quickest way to success is to push yourself “down” and surround yourself with people who bring you up.
It is all too easy to gain a little bit of success, let it go to your head, and then surround yourself with people who are impressed by your accolades and accomplishments.
It is much harder to have the humility to put yourself in a room where you are out of your element, where everyone around you is more successful and more grounded, and to listen to what those people have to say.
Surround yourself with people who challenge you to be better, not people who are enamored with who you already are.
5. Turn Pro
If you want to succeed, if you want to be the best, if you want to be a professional is your field…
You must start to see yourself as such.
Because the simple truth is that how you see yourself is how you will show up in the world.
If you see yourself as a professional and cultivate the habits and mindsets of a professional in your field, then those are the results that you will achieve.
If you see yourself as a “dabbler” or an amateur, then that is how you will play the game and you will constantly be held by back by your own limited perception.
See yourself as an A+ player, cultivate the right habits and mindsets, and your ‘game’ will never be the same.
Stephen Mansfield is a New York Times bestselling author and a popular speaker who works with leaders worldwide.
He first rose to global attention with his groundbreaking book The Faith of George W. Bush, a bestseller that Time magazine credited with helping shape the 2004 U.S. presidential election. The book was also a source for Oliver Stone’s award-winning film “W.” Mansfield’s The Faith of Barack Obama was another international bestseller.
He has written celebrated biographies of Booker T. Washington, George Whitefield, Winston Churchill, Pope Benedict XVI, and Abraham Lincoln, among others. Publishers Weekly described his book, Killing Jesus, as “masterful.”
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation” ~Henry David Thoreau
1. Manly Men Need Other Manly Men
No man is an island.
Even though you have heard the saying hundreds if not thousands of times, few men truly internalize what it means, and still fewer act on it.
Just look at the statistics.
A simple scroll across the front pages and you will find sky-high suicide rates among males, loneliness, depression, and anxiety in numbers that we have never seen before.
Why is this?
While there are many theories and hypothesis, a critical look at the situation makes things clear.
We are a species that was built to be in community, and even though we are more connected now than ever before, most of us are utterly and absolutely alone.
We have no one to call us up, no one to celebrate with us, no one to challenge us, to help us, to hold us accountable and keep us to our word.
And because of this deterioration in our social structure men have become soft, weak, and effeminate.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
As a man, you have the power to break this pattern.
Make a conscious effort to meet and befriend other men. And when you are in these friendships, dive deeper than you ever have before.
Hold nothing back and hold each other up.
You will be amazed at the results.
2. Manly Men Do Manly Things
If you want to call yourself a man, then you need to do manly things.
Does this mean that you should shave with a tomahawk, lift boulders for fun, and skin polar bears with your fingernails?
Probably not (although that would be quite cool), it simply means that you need to embrace the masculine nature of doing instead of spectating and talking.
Get off of your butt and get into life!
Learn a new skill, fix things, build things, explore, create, conquer.
Especially if you are a younger man, get off of the darn Xbox and learn something practical.
Teach yourself how to maintain a car, learn how to build and fix things, become a better public speaker.
Quit talking and take action, starting yesterday.
3. Manly Men Tend Their Field
Every man has his own field to tend.
No, I don’t mean this literally, although some of you might.
What I mean is that every man has his own set of duties and responsibilities and if you want to consider yourself a man, then you must tend to those responsibilities.
Whether you are 15 listening to this podcast or 50, we all have our own fields.
For some of you, it’s school work, your girlfriend, and your football buddies.
For others, it’s your 8-figure company, your wife of 30 years, and non-profit.
It doesn’t matter what your particular field is, what matters is that you are diligent in tending to and watering your field.
Be disciplined in your action.
Do what needs to be done.
Tend your field.
4. Manly Men Build Manly Men
One of the less flaunted traits of manly men is that they build other manly men.
There is an old saying that the true mark of a leader is not how many followers he has but how many leaders he creates.
Regardless of your religion or personal beliefs about the historicity of Jesus Christ, his virtues as a leader are unquestionable.
However, where Jesus excelled was at building up other leaders, in his case, disciples.
In fact, he was such an effective leader that of the 12 men who followed him, all but one (or two counting Judas) were martyred for their belief in Christ.
Now, whether you believe the stories or not, there is a powerful lesson to be learned about leadership and about the importance of building up those who are around you.
Are you really a man if all you can do is take from others and be built up?
Or do you need to take a step back and see who you can serve instead?
5. Manly Men Sacrifice Their Pleasures for Their Purpose
The true hallmark characteristic of all manly men is their ability to endure suffering.
Manly men know that all greatness was bred through suffering.
You must experience the pain and suffering of building and losing your dreams before you will be able to fully appreciate, live, and achieve in the ways that you desire.
With the exception of individuals with inherited wealth, no man of substance, no man of great success, and no man of wealth ever achieved their status and material pleasures without first sacrificing and delaying gratification.
If you want to be great, be ready to suffer.
If you want to be great, don’t ask yourself what you want, ask yourself what you are willing to bleed for.
Tommy Baker is a highly credited athlete, coach, and entrepreneur who lives to inspire and serve others by helping them achieve their fitness and personal goals.
He is also the founder of the Resist Average Academy Podcast where he interviews inspiring individuals and industry experts to help bring holistic and mainstream health advice to the modern man.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat” ~Theodore Roosevelt
1. Get in the Arena and Off Your Ass
In life, there are two kinds of men and only two.
There are the spectators and the men in the arena.
The spectator is the man who is complacent, who is comfortable, who sits back on the sidelines and watches others on their paths to greatness, all the while doing nothing himself.
He criticizes, complains, and makes damn sure that every single person within a 300 ft radius know his opinion on any given topic, but he never adds anything, he never gives any value.
He simply watches and takes.
And then you have the man who in the arena.
This is the man who has decided to leave the sidelines and take his life into his own hands.
This is the man who quits his secure job to pursue his dreams, who drops out of college to travel the world, who learns how to meet and date beautiful women, who goes through the pain of sculpting his body, and who truly challenges himself to live up to his potential in every area of life.
Which kind of man are you?
2. Commit to Your Craft. Never Dabble
While there are only two types of men in this world, for a brief period of time, many of those men will fall into a third category, if only for a brief moment.
This man is known as the dabbler.
This is the man who was sitting on the sidelines, and instead decides to stand up and put one foot into the arena.
But whenever the competition edges closer to him and he sees the faces of his adversaries and smells the blood on the sand, he backs down, afraid to commit to his new way of life.
This is the type of man who starts a business but never builds it, who begins a novel but never finishes it, who invests in coaching but never takes action, and who listens to all of the dating programs but never gets his ass to a venue to ask a woman out.
Don’t be that man.
If you want something, then commit.
Don’t waffle on the sidelines, unable to make a decision.
You either say this is it! This is my f*cking time to be who I want to be or you back down gracefully.
There is no in between.
3. Invest in Yourself First
So many men who start down their paths to greatness hit a sinister trap called a plateau. They have been striving and striving for so long whether it is in their business or their relationships, but all of the sudden, they realize that they cannot progress anymore.
Many men think it must be something is wrong with the vehicle that they are in so they abandon the relationship, start a new company, or quit the training program they were using.
But what the true achievers realize whenever they are faced with these periods of stagnation is that all outward growth is a direct result of inward investment.
If your workout program isn’t working (and it is accredited and proven), odds are that you are really the one who is not working.
If your business is not growing, then chances are good that you not growing.
If your relationships are failing, then the likely culprit is staring right back at you in the mirror.
And the only way that you can overcome challenges and times like this is to invest in yourself.
To achieve your outward goals, you must become the strong, grounded, powerful man on the inside first.
Whether you need to start reading more books, listening to podcasts, investing in seminars, or hiring a coach, do whatever you believe is necessary to elevate your growth and start achieving on a level that you never thought possible.
4. Start Your Days with Positive Habits
Almost everyone in the fitness and self-help world follows or prescribes some form of morning routine.
And while many of these experts convolute the power of this habit by recommending an excessive number of practices or specific ways that you have to do things, the truth of the matter is much simpler.
Every morning when you wake up, your goal should be to focus your mind and your heart on all of the good in your life.
Think about how grateful you are for the people and the opportunities that you have in your life.
Write a thank you note to a colleague.
Tell your wife or girlfriend that you love her.
Because once you have done something that puts you into this state of being, the rest of the day will flow naturally.
When you are grateful for your health, you don’t take it for granted.
When you are grateful for a spouse you don’t start the morning by arguing.
When you are thankful for all of the opportunities in your life, you are unlikely to waste them and more likely to chase the day down with a fire and intensity that is rare is most modern men.
5. Be Willing to Suffer for Your Goals
Here is a simple truth that most ‘gurus’ will not tell you.
Because there is no way to achieve success without some level of suffering.
No matter what you want, you are goig to have to go through some pain and some heart ache to achieve it.
Whether you want a chiseled body, a full bank account, a loving relationship, or a deep spiritual connection, you will have to go through some pain to get it.
And at the end of the day, you need to remember that behind every great deeds are thousands of hours of painful deeds that go unnoticed.
However, if you are willing to face the pain, the rewards on the other side are worth it.
Triambika is an internationally recognized seminar leader, professional sex and conscious intimacy coach and the founder of The Ecstatic Awareness Institute.
She has guided thousands of men and women to empower their sexuality, by helping them to release shame, gain confidence, learn to have extraordinary sex, experience exceptional stamina and create healthier relationships.
Her powerful work with singles and couples have been featured on the Playboy channel, Personal Life Media, Source Tantra, Gilad Creative Media and as the lead host and emcee for the International Sex and Consciousness Conferences.
Triambika brings her depth, intuition, passion and magnetism to her work. Harnessing her extensive training and practice with the time-honored tradition of Tantra, human sexuality, non-dual spirituality, masculine and feminine dynamics, NLP, and body-based modalities including yogic therapy and bodywork, she helps her clients to reach authentic sexual freedom and to form fulfilling relationships that support the highest expression of who they are.
“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful” ~Joshua J. Marine
1. Men Must Learn to Balance Their Energies
While the deterioration of established gender roles within our society has allowed for many phenomenal progressions to occur within our society, the simultaneous deterioration of the family has caused these changes to create a rift among men.
Without strong and enlightened male role models in their lives, most young men walk through life desperately searching for an identity and a definition of masculinity.
And unfortunately, many find that identity in the wrong place.
You see most modern men fall into one of two categories.
They are either the completely emasculated shell of a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, is unwilling to do the necessary work to succeed, and refuses to stand up for himself.
Or they are hyper masculine men whose entire sense of self is derived from their ability to achieve, to conquer women, and to be the most “alpha” guy in the room.
But what if there was a third option?
What if there was a man who was unashamedly masculine, who went after what he wanted, who lived life on the bleeding edge, who was unafraid to stand up for himself or others?
He was also unafraid to dive into his feminine, to experience all the emotions that life has to offer, to cry and laugh and hurt and be vulnerable without fearing judgment.
That is the kind of man that we must all strive to be.
And the man that women long to be with.
2. Slow Down With Your Woman
As men, we all love sex.
But something that we do not realize that for a woman to fully experience and appreciate intercourse on a whole new level, we as men need to slow down.
And I am not just talking about lasting longer.
You see, sex is something that is incredibly psychological for women more so than it is physical.
For a woman, the way that you look at her throughout the day, the way that you send her texts telling her you are excited to see her, the way that you romance and seduce her, no matter how long you have known each other is the difference between good sex and mind blowing sex.
Learn to slow down, not just for the sake of your sexual relationships, but for the sake of everything else in your life as well.
We move too damn fast in our modern world, never taking time to be fully present and appreciate each moment.
Slow down and you will live life on a frequency that you never thought possible, and you will also open up your woman in ways that you never thought possible.
I know that this might seem like a simplistic concept, yet no matter how simple the concept of breath might seem, its importance is literally life changing.
Just within the context of sex, a man who masters his breath will be able to control ejaculations, last as long as he wishes, and experience pleasure within the sexual realm that he never thought possible.
But the breath extends beyond sex into every part of life, because… well, the breath is life.
We live in a day and age where most people do not take the time to just breathe and appreciate the moment.
They live lives at the speed of sound, slouched over, and breathing in shallow spurts.
If you want to revolutionize your health, your mental clarity, and your sexual life learn to deepen your breath and begin taking time for yourself to simply breathe.
1. The Art of Conscious Loving by Charles Muir
2. The Art of Everyday Ecstasy by Margot Anand
We’re on a mission to impact a million men with powerful life changing content. If you enjoyed this article, please share it with your friends on your preferred social network on the left. I spent a ridiculous amount of time creating this article for you and with your support, we can impact the world together.
Want to become the strongest version of yourself?
Then click here to get a free trial to my elite community of 800+ high-performing men, The Secrets of the Top 1% of Men. Not only will you get tapped into your own “band of brothers”, but you’ll also have access to some of my best content and training as well as bi-weekly group calls with my team of coaches.
If you’re ready to push the boundaries of what’s possible in your life and become the man you’ve always wanted to be. This is the fastest way to do it.
Howard Falco is a peak performance coach, mindfulness expert and spiritual teacher. He is the author of two powerful books on human understanding and potential, I AM: The Power of Discovering Who You Really Are and Time in A Bottle: Mastering the Experience of Life.
His teachings specialize in the realization of the power we each have within to create exactly what we desire. Revealed is an awareness regarding how to break through any perceived personal limitation and how to overcome any challenge in order to achieve what is believed as possible.
“It’s not the mountain we conquer but ourselves” ~Sir Edmund Hillary
1. All of Success is About Conquering Yourself
Most people assume that success is all about the mechanics.
They think it is about taking the right action, saying the right things in sales calls, or making all of the right moves.
But in reality, success is a more personal endeavor.
Yes, it is important that you are doing the right things and taking the proper actions, but that is not your main prerogative.
Before you even start to think about what words to write on your blog, how to approach that lead, or how to improve your product, you need to remember that success starts on the inside.
Guess what, no matter what you are striving for, you will face failure at some point in your life, however, if you have developed yourself, if you have conquered your own emotions of fear, doubt, and unconfidence, you can return from any failure and be victorious.
2. Personal Identity is Crucial to All Peak Performance
I am sure that all of you are familiar with Tony Robbins, the (in)famous life and personal development coach who has become a legend in the industry.
Tony has an interesting tactic for helping people overcome their addiction to cigarettes.
Instead of telling them to stand in the mirror and recite “I am a non smoker” every morning or telling them to burn their packet of Marlboro’s, instead, he has them change their identity.
He has them take up an activity or hobby that is completely incongruent with their identity as a smoker like cross country skiing, marathon running, or yoga.
This works because the former smokers now see themselves differently. They see an athlete, a champion, a warrior, and not someone addicted to a disgusting habit.
What Tony helps them do is to create a new belief system and personal identity.
And while this principle applies to addiction, it also applies to peak performance.
If you have developed an identity and personal belief that you are a high performer, that you are someone who shows up and does what needs to be done, then you are going to perform on a high level.
However, if you consider yourself to be average, if your identity is that of a mediocre man, then your results will continue to be average.
You need to develop an unshakable identity as a high achiever and peak performer before you can expect to achieve highly or perform at your peak.
3.Ask Yourself Why Not Me?
Have you ever had a dream, a passion, a longing for something, but you thought to yourself, “That’s not for me, I will never achieve that.”
Have you ever looked at another man with envy thinking, “There is no way that I will ever be that good, not me.”?
If so, then you need to wake up and realize that the question you need to start asking yourself is “Why Not ME?”
If you have a goal, if you have a dream, if you have a vision, then wake up and fight for it.
Why not you?
Why shouldn’t you achieve all of your wildest hopes and dreams?
Why shouldn’t you become the best man that you can possibly be?
Why shouldn’t you have a life that makes you wake up every morning and think “Wow what did I do to deserve this?”
4. Go With the Flow of Change
One of the biggest mistakes that you can make in any endeavor is to stick to rigidly to the old axioms and ways of thinking.
As Bob Dylan says, “The times they are a changing” and if you want to succeed at the game of life then you need to be able to change and adapt with the times.
This is true in every area of your life from your health and business down to your relationships and spirituality.
For example, if you do not change and adapt your exercise regimen to your body as you age, you are going to injure yourself or hit a plateau.
If you are not adaptable in your business, you will become like Kodak and follow your “Old Ways” straight into obsolescence.
Or if you are in a relationship and you are not able to evolve and adapt to your partner’s growth and maturation, you will quickly find yourself in a miserable relationship or all by yourself.
As Bruce Lee said “Be like water”, be willing to change and adapt to the world around you.
5. Greatness Takes Sacrifice
No one has ever achieved greatness without sacrifice.
No one has ever joined the halls of the masters without blood, sweat, and tears.
If you want to be remembered, realize that it will take sacrifice.
You will lose friends, girlfriends, and maybe even family.
You will lose sleep, leisure, and years of “having fun”.
But in the end, if you are committed to the right thing, it will be worth it.
Best-selling author and Personal Empowerment Coach Paul Colaianni is the host of the top-rated personal growth and development podcast called The Overwhelmed Brain.
Having gone through a dysfunctional upbringing, many failed relationships, and several life-changing events including a breakdown in the desert a thousand miles from home, Paul started a journey of healing and growth that led him to where he is today: teaching others how to make the right decisions that lead to self-empowerment.
“The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision”
1. Learn to Master the Art of Decisive Action
I want you to imagine that you are in an emergency situation.
You are in the middle of a big city with your girlfriend when all of the sudden, you feel the ground start to shake and stand back in horror as 30 story buildings collapse all around you.
What are you going to do?
You are really only left with two options, take action and get to safety, or stay frozen where you are in fear.
With the adrenaline coursing through your veins and your life on the line, I have little doubt that you would immediately grab your woman and pull her away from the carnage.
However, whenever we are faced with situations that are not life or death, I often find that men simply sit back and atrophy, allowing their fear to lead to inaction.
If you are familiar with Winston Churchill will remember his famous quote, “The best thing you can do is the right thing, the second best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
You need to remember in your everyday life that the absolute worst thing you can do is nothing.
If you want to be healthy, the best thing you can do is to find the right program and follow it, the next best thing is to find a subpar program and follow it, the worst thing you can do is to not follow any program out of fear of failure.
If you see a beautiful woman, the best thing you can do is to approach her, introduce yourself, and charm her socks off. The next best thing is that you approach her, introduce yourself, get rejected, and learn. The worst thin is that you can do nothing.
No matter what the situation is, be decisive and take some action.
Because at the end of the day, you can still achieve your goals with blind base hits, but you will never achieve anything if you allow indecisiveness to lead to inaction.
2. Break Down Your Fears Until You Figure Out the Truth
What are you scared of?
What keeps you up at night? What makes your skin crawl? What topic do you avoid at all costs? What thoughts slip into your head when no one else is watching?
Is it failure? Loss of love? Loss of a loved one? Ridicule? Embarrassment?
Now tell me… why is that so bad?
This question is not posed to belittle your fears but rather to make your think.
For example, let’s say that you are scared of quitting your job to start your own online business.
Well, what are you scared of? That you will fail and you won’t have any money?
Why is that scary? Because you won’t be able to eat and you will go homeless?
Why is that scary? Because you are going to die?
The more you dig into these fears, the more you realize that they are almost entirely unfounded.
Even if you failed at your business, odds are you would find a way to make ends meet.
If you didn’t then you would probably have friends or family who could help you.
If you didn’t have even that, the odds of you dying from homelessness are pretty slim.
You need to realize that the worst thing that can happen typically is not that bad, and the fears that are holding you back from success are almost always false.
3. Be Single Instead of Settling
We all have a mental image of the kind of woman that we want in our life.
And I am not just talking about what she looks like and how great the sex is either.
I am referring to the kind of woman who makes us better, who we want to be with every day, who loves us and is loved in return.
The kind of woman that gives you butterflies in your stomach every time you see her, who you could spend hours wrapped up in her eyes, who challenges you to be a better man, and helps you to see the good in yourself and others, even when you don’t want to.
These kinds of women exist.
So why is it that most of us are stuck in relationships that don’t even come close to resembling this?
Why is it that most of us are with women who we merely tolerate?
If you want to have truly satisfying relationships, then you need to realize that you cannot settle.
You need to know what you want in a woman, what is non-negotiable for you, and then do not rest until you find the woman you are looking for.
Because quite frankly, a life spent “alone” is better than a life spent in relationships with someone who does nothing but bring you down.
Frank Miniter is an author and investigative journalist with a penchant for outdoor adventure. He has floated the Amazon, run with the bulls of Pamplona, hunted everything from bear in Russia to elk with the Apache to kudu in the Kalahari and has fly-fished everywhere from Alaska’s Kenai to Scotland’s River Spey to Japan’s freestone streams. Along the
Along the way, he was taught to box by Floyd Patterson, spelunked into Pompey’s Cave, climbed the Gunks, and graduated from the oldest private military college (Norwich University) in the U.S. He was a Senior Editor at Outdoor Life magazine and was the Executive Editor of American Hunter magazine.
He is also the author of This Will Make a Man of You and The Ultimate Man’s Survival Guide.
“I like a man who grins when he fights” ~Winston Churchill
1. You Need to Stand Up for Yourself
The evolution of society and rapid shift in perceived gender roles has created a world in which manliness and masculinity are concepts that are ambiguous and difficult to explain, at best.
Yet no matter what your beliefs are pertaining to modern masculinity, I think everyone can agree on one simple fact.
You cannot consider yourself a true “man” unless you are willing to stand up for yourself, what you believe, and those you love.
I want you to imagine John Wayne, Steve McQueen, or even a character like Tyler Durden in Fight Club are sat at a table in a bar, surrounded by friends and family.
A stranger from another table comes over and starts insulting one of his family members, bringing up some past feud and looking to cause trouble.
What do you think they would do?
Would they cower in their seat, avert their eyes, and start nervously twitching?
Or would they get out of their seat, square up with the aggressor, look them in the eyes and invite them to leave before they had a real problem?
I think we all know the answer.
Being a real man has nothing to do with loving or looking for violence, but it has everything to do with being willing to take a stand for yourself or the things which you believe.
In the 21st century, it is important to realize that this rarely (if ever) means physical confrontation.
Taking a stand for yourself can be as simple as telling your boss that you need a raise because you have been working harder than anyone else and have measurable results to prove it.
It can mean speaking candidly with your significant other about the way that they have been addressing you in public situations and informing them that their actions are inappropriate.
And yes, occasionally, when all other options are exhausted, it can mean taking the gloves off and throwing a mean right hook when someone truly steps out of line.
Never be afraid to stand up for yourself, your friends, or your values, because at the end of the day it is better to live a short life where you face your fears and live boldly than a long life as a coward.
2. Life is Meant to be Lived in Community
10,000 years ago on the plains of the Savanna, men lived in communion with one another. They lived together, ate together, hunted together, fought together, and died together.
Town elders would lead the tribe and create rituals and rites of passage for young men to pass through in order to become a man.
The warriors of each tribe relied on each other and trusted the men around them with their lives.
And for hundreds of thousands of years, this is the way that we as a species, and more specifically, we as men, have evolved.
We live in the most socially disconnected time in human history, and despite all of our technological advancements and the rapid growth of social media and other online platforms, the problem is not getting any better.
Men struggle to find meaning and purpose in life, they are lost and confused about who they are and what it means to be a man, they are lonely and afraid and depressed, and it is due, in large part to our lack of community.
We no longer live in tribes.
If we wanted to, there are many among us who could limit our face to face interaction with others to less than once a week when we go out for groceries.
Men no longer go to other men for advice and emotional support.
We no longer have tribe elders who can guide us and mentor us.
With the exception of military servicemen, we no longer have brothers in arms who have struggled through life with us and been there for us through thick and thin.
And we are paying the price.
Men are suffering from depression and suicide at alarming rates and society tells us to simply take another pill or get a new prescription, instead of being told to build a band of brothers.
If you want to succeed in life, if you want to be truly happy and successful, then you need to have a group of men around you who you can trust, you need to have a community of like-minded individuals who will build you up and hold you accountable and who will be there for you when you are on cloud nine and rock bottom.
3. Manhood is Defined by Your Values and Your Code
Manhood has meant something different to nearly every culture throughout history.
The Vikings version of manhood was markedly different from the Greek’s which was markedly different from the Apache’s.
But the one thing that all of these ancient cultures had in common is that their ideals of manhood were derived from a code.
Every great “manly” culture built their foundation of masculinity upon an ethos, a way of life, and a code of honor and conduct based on the values of their unique societies.
For some cultures mercy and reason were at the forefront of their code, for others it was power and justice.
The truth of the matter is, there is no one code that will work universally for every man.
We all have different realities, different religious and political beliefs, and different lenses through which we view the world around us.
This means that all of us will function under a different code and live by different values.
And while it is extremely important which values you have and uphold (integrity, honor, service, and generosity should be at the top of your list) it is more important that you uphold a set of values that make you a better man and help you contribute to society in a more meaningful way.
4. You Need to be a Well-Rounded Man
So often in our modern society, we are quick to judge and label certain activities as unmanly, red neck, or “posh”.
Many see hunting and marksmanship as a lower class activity for camouflage wearing, tobacco chewing country boys. or they see dancing as a “gay” and unmanly activity in which no
They see dancing as a “gay” and unmanly activity in which no self-respecting man would participate.
Or they say that horseback riding and poker are activities that are only appropriate for trust fund babies and the super rich.
But you need to remember that an essential part of modern manliness is being able to participate in a wide variety of activities and show yourself to be well-rounded both in your skills and intellect.
You need to become, as the rampaging viral internet memes suggest, “A man who can do both.”
You need to be able to be a diplomate and a fighter, to speak well among the scholars of academia and the blue collar workers down at the bar.
You need to be comfortable both in a suit and tie and in camouflaged jacket.
You need to be someone who is able to hold himself in any situation and is unafraid of new things, no matter what stigma is attached to them.
5. Show Respect to Others
I don’t care whether you are living in an incredible community of amazing men, living by a code, and the most well-rounded person in the world, if you are not extending respect and love to the people in your life, then you are not a true man.
End of story.
No one can call himself a man if they are not respecting the people in their lives, if they are not loving others, and if they are not following the “golden rule.”
Respect others and earn the respect of others.
That is where true manliness lies.
As a professional speaker and executive coach, Ryan helps business leaders and entrepreneurs build high performing teams, break through plateaus and realize their true potential. Ryan worked for fifteen years as a senior sales leader for three Fortune 100 Tech Companies, including Apple and Dell, and has worked in California, Australia, the UK, and Ireland At time of writing, Ryan is studying for his Masters Degree (MSc.) in Personal & Business Coaching at University College Cork, Ireland.
Ryan is also an Accredited Certified Coach (ACC) with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and in 2015 was nominated as a finalist in the ICF Ireland Coach of the Year awards. He recently authored the book Shifting Gears: How to Harness Your Drive to Reach Your Potential and Accelerate Your Success.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts” ~Winston Churchill
1. You Need to Set Ground Rules to Achieve Fulfillment
Let me set the stage for you.
It’s 9 a.m. on a Monday morning, groggy from a long weekend with family, you roll up to your office, barely slipping through the front doors on time.
When you arrive at your desk, your boss walks over a scowl lacing his face and tells you that he needs to see you in his office immediately. You begin sweating as you quietly creep through his door, hoping that you are in his good graces.
He sits you down and quickly informs you that you have been promoted two ranks above where you currently are and have earned over a 15% annual pay raise.
Sitting back in stunned silence you don’t know what to say, and you mumble out a thank you, walking back to your desk on cloud nine.
Over a year has passed since that fateful promotion, and since then, you have been promoted 3 more times in twelve months, earning a salary you never thought possible and absolutely crushing every aspect of work.
But you are also working 80 hours a week, your marriage is on the verge of collapse, you have gained 20 lbs. from late night take-out and an over worked lifestyle.
Your friends no longer see you and your family wonders what has happened to you.
All in all, you have achieved “success” but you are absolutely miserable.
You see, before you set out to achieve anything, you need to set some ground rules and have a clear definition of what you want to achieve and who you want to be.
You need to know what will fulfill you and make you come alive, not just what will make you the most money.
There is no point in being the richest man in the world without loved ones, friends, and the good health to enjoy it.
2. Let Your Fear be Your Guide
As we all move through life, especially as men, we have heard one resounding axiom repeated to us over and over again, drilled into our heads from birth, and ingrained so deeply in our psyche that it has made an indelible mark on our thoughts and actions.
Don’t be afraid.
But the problem with that statement is that fear is often times one of our most powerful motivators, drivers, and allies.
The man who feels no fear is the man who feels nothing, a sociopath or psychopath who lacks empathy and basic emotional capacity.
Fear is not something that is bad or wrong with you, rather it is simply a part of who we are that has been hard-wired into our brains through millions of years of evolution.
And while the fears that we once had, such as getting eaten by a saber tooth tiger or starving to death in the middle of the jungle are no longer valid, our brains still create that animalistic fear inside of us whenever there is the potential for loss or failure.
Instead of running from that fear, however, it is essential that you learn to harness it.
Use fear as your guide, learn to master your fear and make it work for you instead of against you.
Approach your fears with a cold rationality until you realize that the worst thing that can typically happen doesn’t even shine a candle to the potential benefits.
And above all, remember that what one man can do, another man can do. If it has been done before, it can be done again.
3. Risk Leads to Growth and Excitement
Do you remember the last time that you did something scary?
I mean really scary.
Like quitting your job, starting a business, asking your significant other to marry you, jumping out of a plane, or selling everything and travelling the world.
Depending on how you answer that question, I can typically guess (with surprising accuracy) your level of excitement and fulfillment.
Because here’s the thing, whenever you walk up to your boss and hand in your notice, send in the payment for that LLC., step onto that airplane, or bend down on one knee hoping that she will say “I do”, you are injecting a dose of excitement and meaning into your life.
Most of us are so caught up in the dull monotonous drudgery of everyday life that we have become disengaged and disenchanted with our own existence.
However, if you want to step into your “level 10” life and truly achieve a sense of fulfillment and peace that you have never had before, then you need to start taking risks.
And here’s the coolest part.
Risk looks different for everyone.
For some people, simply firing an annoying client is all the risk and excitement that they need, for others, unless they put their lives on the line on a regular basis (big wave surfers anyone?) they are unsatisfied and miserable.
Gauge your own risk tolerance and then make a point to start taking intentional risks every week.
You will live a life that is filled with more excitement and fulfillment the more you take intentional risks.
Internationally renowned human emotion, connection, and cognition expert Tony Selimi is a coach and the author of #Loneliness and A Path to Wisdom. He is currently traveling the world, sharing his message of transformation and connection.
“I embrace equally both support and challenge” ~Dr. John DeMartini
1. You Must Embrace Both Sides of Life
Life is not comprised of just the good or just the bad.
It is a beautiful dichotomous dance that blends together both exuberant highs and devastating lows meant to mold us, change us, and teach us.
While modern pop psychology gurus would have you believe that you should ignore any pain and struggle in your life and simply live in a state of constant and never ending euphoria, the simple truth is that life is beautiful because of the pain and struggles that we face.
Without the pain of discipline, there would be no joy in success.
Without the hurt of loss, there would be no satisfaction in gain.
Life requires the good and the bad to play out like the masterfully written movie that it is, and the sooner you learn to embrace both sides of life, the sooner you will be able to live up to your true potential.
2. Loneliness Affects Every Area of Your Life
Often times, as men, we revel in the concept of solidarity.
We love the thought of being the lone wolf, outnumbered and against the world achieving greatness all by his own accord.
And nothing could be more damaging or destructive to our overall health and well-being.
Whenever you live your life out of communion with others, whenever you lack strong bonds and friendships, and whenever you isolate yourself from the world, you are not only damaging your psyche, but your physical well-being and genetic expression as well.
Loneliness has been shown to cause disease, mental illness, and even alter your genes in a very real and powerful way.
There is nothing manly about depression and sickness, so quit trying to go it alone and invest into your social life.
3. Place Yourself in the Right Environments
An interesting phenomenon that can occur in our modern world is that men can be surrounded by friends but still feel lonely if the activities and conversations with those friends are incongruent with your personal values and desires.
For example, let’s say that you hate sports.
You couldn’t care less about the NFL or NHL or any other sports league.
And yet, one of your social circle’s favorite activities is to sit down together at the local bar, have a few beers, and watch the game.
Even though all of the men in the circle are fantastic influences and valuable friends, taking part in this activity will actually increase your feelings of isolation and loneliness.
This makes it essential that you start becoming more intentional about the activities you indulge in and the things that you do with your peers.