Matt Inglot is the founder of Tilted Pixel, a high level web agency specializing in web design. He is also the founder of the website and podcast Freelance Transformation, where he details how he created a 6-figure lifestyle business doing work that he loves.
“Reality is negotiable”~ Tim Ferriss
1. Live a Life True to Yourself
It’s so easy in life today to live a life that is not true to who we are. We take a job that we don’t like to impress our friends and family, we get married to someone we do not truly love because everyone else loves her, we live in a way that is incongruent with who we are because we are too afraid to take the reigns of our own lives!
If you want to live a life that is full, not just full of financial success and fun, but a life full of joy, love, and peace, it starts with being true to yourself. Because only when you are true to yourself can you truly live a life that will inspire and empower others.
2. You Have to be Willing to Make Tough Decisions
You will often be faced with difficult decisions, you will usually have two options, to take the path of least resistance, the path you have been down before that is easy and comfortable, or to take the path of growth. The path that scares you and keeps you up at night, the path that will lead to the life of your dreams…after it leads you through pain and hardship.
If you want to live a full life and a life on your terms, you have to take the road less traveled, it will make all the difference.
3. Sometimes You Just Have to Jump
Sometimes, when you are making hard decisions, you just have to jump. You have to take an action in faith, believing that it will work out without any evidence to support your belief.
You just have to jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down, once you do, you will find that all sorts of doors and opportunities open up…
But you have to take the jump first.
Phillip Adcock is a commercial psychologist and managing director of a number of human behavior analysis companies operating in 17 countries. He boasts some of the world’s largest organizations as clients, including Apple, Kraft, L’Oréal, Mars, PepsiCo, Nestlé, Tesco, and Procter & Gamble. He frequently appears on UK television. He lives in England.
“If the brain was so simple that we could understand it, we’d be so simple that we couldn’t”~ Ian Stewart
1. Your Brain is Wired to Fight, Flight, and Fu….Find a Mate
When you seek to understand your brain, you have to realize that it takes our brains nearly 30,000 years to evolve, and for the past 30,000 years of evolutionary history, our brains have been wired for three things, fighting, fleeing, and finding a mate.
Whenever you are presented with a new situation, your brain will filter it through these lenses, basically, should I fight this thing, run from it, or screw it.
Whenever you are in a new and scary business, life, or mating situation, your brain is not logical and you are working with wiring that evolved to help you survive on the plains of the Savanna, realize this and you will be able to perform at a much higher level.
2. It is Emotion That Makes Every Decision
People who think they have a real choice in making decisions, do not understand how the brain works. Your brain operates purely out of emotion, and on its simplest terms it operates to move your towards pleasure and away from pain.
If you can understand this, you can manipulate this to associate more pain and pleasure with certain things that will help you move away form what you want and towards what you do, even if it means loss of pleasure in the short term.
3. Use All of Your Senses to Get in State
If you want to get into state, simply use all of your senses.
Get in a room that inspires your sense of sight with colors that motivate you and images that fire you up, light a candle or something else that smells good and relaxes you and helps you think, stand on a certain type of floor that will help you to feel either more relaxed or more motivated, and finally put on some music that gets you into state.
4. Break the Script
If you want to break a habit, break the script. If you are a smoker, figure out when it is that you normally smoke and change something about that routine. Change the coffee that you are drinking, the way you drive to work, the gas station that you fill up at or anything else that will help you to change a routine normally associated with a habit.
5. Always be Learning
Plain and simple, if you are not learning, you are dying. You need to constantly expand your brain and expose it to new and exciting ideas to be growing into the man that you want to be.
Always be learning.
Dr. Tracy Thomas is a licensed psychologist and a certified coach who works with executives, leaders, and celebrities who helps them go from the life they are living the life that they are leading.
“It’s one thing to realize the self, but it’s something else altogether to truly embody that realization, to the extent that there is no gap between inner revelation and it’s outer expression” Adayashanti
1. Turn Your Existence into Your Career
You know the old saying that if you love what you do you will never work a day in your life?
Well imagine if the work that you did was in such alignment with who you are as a person and what you value in life that you felt that you were being paid simply to exist? That you were paid to just be you!
It is entirely possible, and more than that, entirely necessary.
Life is too damn short to live a life that is incongruent with who you are. If you are doing things that you love with people you love, you will wake up every day with a smile on your face and a spring in your step. You will have a deep sense of fulfillment and joy in each moment and will be able to show up in life more present and on purpose than you ever thought possible.
It is not an easy road, and it will require you to make changes, but it will be worth it.
2. Get out of the Negative Narratives in Your Life
It is so easy to get caught up in negative narratives in your day to day life that you may not even realize how much they are affecting you. You are in negative work environments, negative relationships, patterns of self talk, or ways of being that your health and well being is affected.
If you are able to remove the negative narratives from your life and surround yourself with positivity that is congruent with you and your mission, your life will improve, your health will improve, and your sense of peace and joy will shoot through the roof.
3. Get Real with Yourself
Success in life requires that you are honest with yourself, you cannot live a life of joy and peace if you are constantly lying to yourself.
You tell yourself that it is not that bad, that you will make a change, that things are worse for others without ever realizing that by lying to yourself you are blocking yourself from achieving the things you desire.
You have to be brutally honest with yourself and call it like it is in life before you can truly live a congruent and passionate life.
4. Take it Easy on Yourself
Especially as a man, it is easy to beat yourself up. Society puts so much pressure on you to achieve, to succeed, to figure out who the hell you are (not to mention to figure out how the hell to handle women) that it’s easy to see yourself as a failure if you are not a millionaire, casanova by age 21!
Take a deep breath and take it easy on yourself, you are doing better than you think you are. You don’t have a responsibility to conform to society’s expectations and the sooner you can realize this, the happier and more fulfilled you will be.
Steven DeSalvo’s first book ‘Relationship Dynamics’ in the EVOLVE series helps to answer the question: ‘How can we change our world and the course of human evolution with positive outcomes for this planet and all of its inhabitants? This first book in this series has helped many to change and navigate to healthier relationship dynamics.
As a certified Permaculturist, his goal is to serve others in the attaining their highest evolutionary potential through writings and personal appearances to increase awareness and personal responsibility.
He moved to northern California in 2011 where he now resides and works as an independent writer, publisher, speaker and life coach. Often called a Renaissance man, Steven DeSalvo has a diverse background of creative, artistic, business and personal interests including writing and blogging on his web site www.BecomeAnAdult.com.
“Live your true authentic self”~Steven DeSalvo
1. Introspection is the First Step to Better Relationships
You will never succeed in relationships with others until you are in a great relationship with yourself. And creating a great relationship with yourself requires that you spend time in introspection, truly learning who you are and falling deeply in love with yourself.
If you want to develop healthy relationships with others, start by spending time by yourself and investing in the man that you want to be, the rest will follow.
2. You Have to Create Systems for Conflict Resolution
In all relationships, no matter how “perfect” they may seem, you will face conflicts. It is inevitable. But what separates relationships that last from those that crash and burn is. There is such a thing as an elegant argument, but you have to be willing to let go of your need to be right.
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes, truly listen to them and what they are saying, not just the words that are coming out of their mouths, but the underlying message behind everything that they say. If you do this, your relationships will be happier, you will be happier, and life will be far more fulfilling.
3. A Healthy Relationship is Two People Setting Each Other Free
A healthy relationship is two people setting each other free, it is not one person completing another person, or one individual trying to fix another individual, it is two whole individuals who both have something unique to offer each other, coming together and sharing their gifts, talents, and love with one another.
If you get into relationships looking for someone to complete you, you will always be disappointed, but if you go into relationships looking for someone who is already complete whom you can join with and create an amazing life together, you will live a life of fulfilling and happy relationship.
Dennis Meyers was a normal everyday man until he suffered from a car accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down. After years of struggling to find joy and fulfillment in his new life, he discovered a way to make peace with his accident and has written about it in his book “You Have not a Leg to Stand On”.
“You’ve just got to go on”
1. You Have Just got to Go On
Life will knock you down, it will throw punches that put you on your knees, it will shatter you and batter you and try and keep you on the ground, but you have just got to go on.
Everyone will suffer in life, especially if you ever intend to do something great with yourself, the key is not if you suffer, but how you suffer. You must accept the hardships and move on with your life, grin and bear it, be willing to laugh in the face of pain.
There is little else that you can do, and allowing life to knock you down is a surefire recipe, not just for failure in business, but failure in life.
2. Learn to Take Life as it Is
Just as life will knock you down and you must learn to keep moving, so will life present you with situations and circumstances that aren’t ideal. While many people will moan and gripe about how unfair life is, the wiser man realizes that if there is nothing he can do to change the situation, he must simply take life as it is.
Make peace with the pain, because sometimes it’s all you can do.
3. Put Yourself Second
While life may be difficult at times, and may present massive challenges to many people, life is much more challenging if you are operating from a selfish perspective. You have to be willing to put yourself second, to live for something bigger than just you, to truly live a life of service, if you want to find peace in this life.
Serving others is the quickest way to remind yourself of all that you have to be grateful for and all the amazing blessings you have in your life.
Gary Szenderski is a writer, teacher, lover of life and proponent for positive change. He is a branding specialist, internationally acclaimed as an expert on the subject. He specializes in helping people and organizations navigate change and frequently speaks and writes on the topic of emerging brands and companies in transition.
In addition, Gary is an award-winning copywriter and an instructor at the University of California in Irvine. He resides in Southern California and welcomes your comments. firstname.lastname@example.org
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”~Michelangelo
1. Always Be Willing to Aim Big and Miss Instead of Aiming Small and Winning
It’s incredibly easy in life to aim for small goals. To shoot for the realistic, the things that we know we can achieve, the goals that don’t scare us, than it is to dare audacious goals that are actually worthy of the men we are.
If you want to live a fulfilling life, you have to be willing to shoot for the stars and miss. If your goals don’t make you break into a cold sweat because you are scared you cannot achieve them, they are not big enough.
2. Become a Lifelong Student
Whenever a man achieves a certain level of success, it’s easy to drink your own kool aid and believe that you are this high and mighty guru who can do no wrong. But the truth is, the most successful people are always the most humble.
They are the ones asking for advice, sitting quietly and listening, and being a student of life. If you want to be successful, you have to approach life with an attitude of constant and never ending learning.
3. Replace Your Past with a More Empowering Future
If you are living in the past, there is no way to create an empowering future. You have to be willing to let go of the past to create the future that you want. Appreciate the past for the lessons that it taught you and the skills that it gave you, but let it go and embrace the future that you want to be living.
4. Life Exists in the Present Moment
This moment, right now, is all that you have. The past no longer exists, the future is an illusion, all you have is now. Live in the present moment and be willing to give your full in each and every second. That is the way to live a successful and positive life.
Josh Rivedal (founder, executive director of The i’Mpossible Project) is an author, actor, playwright, and international public speaker. He has spoken about suicide prevention, mental health awareness, and diversity in more than ninety locations across the U.S., Canada, the U.K., and Australia.
He has served on the board of directors for the New York City chapter of The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. He wrote and developed the one-man play, “Kicking My Blue Genes in The Butt” (KMBB), which has toured extensively throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K. His memoir The Gospel According to Josh: A 28-Year Gentile Bar Mitzvah, based on KMBB and published by Skookum Hill in 2013, is on The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s recommended reading list.
His book “How to Live Mentally Well and Crush it in College,” is being implemented by colleges and universities across the U.S. He writes for the Huffington Post. Coming soon in conjunction with The i’Mpossible Project: Winning the War on Depression and Living Mentally Well.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts”~Winston Churchill
1. Connect with Positive People, Things, and Places
Life is so full of negatives. Of negative people, negative messages, and a general negativity that permeates our whole society.
If you want to remain and become as healthy, mentally, physically, and emotionally as you can, you have to learn how to connect with positive people, things, and places.
Spend more time with the people who lift you up, listen to some upbeat music instead of that crazy screamo stuff, and maybe even move to a new town with more sunshine and better views.
2. You Have to be Willing to Get Help
As men, we are so stubborn when it comes to seeking help. But life is a team sport, you cannot do it alone, nor should you want to. You must be willing to seek out the help and counsel of others who are wiser and more experienced than you.
Be willing to confide in a friend about your struggles, tell your family that you are not ok, and that you are actually struggling like hell, be willing to open up and be vulnerable and your life will change for the better.
3. Relationships Are What We Need as Humans
At the end of the day, life is about relationships, it’s about having a healthy relationship with yourself so that you can go forth and have a healthy relationship with others.
There is no juice in life if you do not have people to share it with, people to laugh with, to cry with, and go through the ups and downs of life with. We have nothing if we don’t have relationships and this is something that you must remember no matter what your goals or ambitions are.
Neil Strauss is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Game, Rules of the Game, Emergency, and Everyone Loves You When You’re Dead and The Truth, An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships
He is also the co-author of three other New York Times bestsellers – Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, Mötley Crüe’s The Dirt and Marilyn Manson’s The Long Hard Road out of Hell. A writer for Rolling Stone, Strauss lives in Los Angeles.
“The underlying cause of most unfulfilled lives, is simply that we are too close to ourselves to see clearly enough to get out of our own way”~Neil Strauss
1. Understand how to Gauge Feedback
Life will often give you feedback about how you are doing across various areas. You may find yourself repeating the same patterns, getting into the same type of relationships, or making the same mistakes. Whatever the case, if you want to make a change you have to gauge feedback.
You have to look at the patterns in your life and discover what lesson they are trying to teach you. What does it say about you and your life that you are constantly dating the same type of girl and falling into the traps of “project dating”? What can you learn from the fact that you are constantly losing jobs after a few months?
Take a cold hard, honest look at your life and look at what the feedback is telling you and then change accordingly.
2. Your Level of Self Esteem will Equal the Level of Your Relationships
Have you ever heard the phrase opposites attract?
Well that’s bull shit. Like attracts like, and if you are finding yourself getting into relationships with women where you are both in an unhealthy emotional relationship, odds are, your own self esteem is lacking.
If you want to attract better women, first become better yourself and change what you accept from others and from yourself. If you have low self esteem you will never be able to attract a woman with high self esteem, and if you have high self esteem, you will never get sucked into a toxic relationships with a woman who has low self esteem.
3. Finding Your Passion is Simple
If you want to find your purpose, and passion, do stuff you love.
That’s it. If you love doing something, then keep doing it, don’t worry about whether it’s your real purpose or whether you should change careers to follow the money, simply do things that you love doing and you will never fail.
Jack Donovan moonlights as an advocate for men, tribalism, and paleo-masculinity. He has contributed popular essays and reviews to The Spearhead, Alternative Right, Counter Currents, The Hall of Manly Excellence, Amerika and other sites. He lives and works near Portland, Oregon.
1. It’s Not About Survival But Thriving
Being a “real man” or being good at being a man is not necessary in todays world. We pretty much have everything that we need in life, and living life as a supplicating, scared, cowardly man will allow us to survive.
But its not about that…
Life isn’t about survival, its about thriving, its about living to your fullest and giving your gifts to the world, and you can’t do that if you suck at being a man. You can’t do that if you are always looking to others for permission and to tell you what to do with your life. At some point you have to man up and take responsibility for your life.
2. You Have to Challenge Yourself
Life is too easy, men aren’t challenged the way they used to be, and it shows.
We are a generation of men who are soft, unable to do even the most basic tasks without calling a mechanic, plumber, or some other sort of assistance to help them with their incompetence.
If you want to be good at being a man, you have to challenge yourself, you have to get out of your comfort zone, and you have to do things that scare the hell out of you.
There is no path to growth without struggle, embrace this, challenge yourself, and grow into the man you were born to be.
3. Learn to Trust Yourself
Too often, men go looking to others to tell them how to live, instead of looking to other men to help guide them through life, they look for men who will live their lives for them and prevent them from having to make real decisions.
You have to learn to trust yourself and your intuition. Trust your gut, and trust yourself to know which path you need to take.
You may fail, in fact you may fail miserably, but it will be your failure.
4. Create Yourself, Don’t Just be yourself
The concept of being yourself is bullshit.
If you just be yourself, you will never grow or change into a man that is is worth a damn. You have to create yourself.
Decide who you want to be and start taking massive action to get yourself there, continue challenging yourself and growing into the man you were born to be.
The Havalmal mic
What is a Rune by Collin Cleary
Want to become the strongest version of yourself?
Then click here to get a free trial to my elite community of 800+ high-performing men, The Secrets of the Top 1% of Men. Not only will you get tapped into your own “band of brothers”, but you’ll also have access to some of my best content and training as well as bi-weekly group calls with my team of coaches.
If you’re ready to push the boundaries of what’s possible in your life and become the man you’ve always wanted to be. This is the fastest way to do it.
Craig Ballantyne has been the Editor of Early to Rise since 2011. He’s also a Strength & Conditioning coach in Toronto, author of Turbulence Training, a contributing author to Men’s Health magazine, and a member of the Training Advisory Board for Maximum Fitness and Oxygen magazines.
“Success is simple”
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do”~Epictietus
1. The First Mistake You Make in the Morning is Reacting vs. Responding
In the mornings, it is so easy to sleep through your alarm, start your morning in a frenzy and get put into a mode of reaction vs. responding.
When you start your day this way, the day is already lost, you have already fallen into the trap of reacting to your environment instead of responding to circumstances that you had already planned and prepared for.
To beat this, wake up 15 minutes before you have to and focus on your goals.
Not one hours, not two hours, just 15 minutes. 15 minutes to allow yourself to focus your intentions for the day and get into peak state. Consider it a gift to yourself, and after a few weeks of this your results and productivity will sky rocket.
2. Do a Brain Dump at the End of the Day
As we go on through our days, our brains become cluttered with all sorts of stuff from work, family, personal struggles, past failures, and future worries. At the end of each day, do what is referred to as a brain dump, where you sit and write out everything that is on your mind so that you are no longer mulling over it while you should be present.
Doing this will allow you to clear your head and show up fully whenever you are with your family, relaxing at the end of the day, hanging out with friends, or anything else that you decide to do.
3. Create a Vision Statement
One of the most important things that you can do is to decide where you are going and who you want to be and condense this into a mission statement that will remind you of your goals and keep you on track when decision making becomes difficult.
By having a vision that you are moving towards, you will stay focused on where you are headed instead of the pain of sacrificing pleasure in the moment for gain in the future.
4. Its not what you can do but what you can avoid doing
A significant portion of success is not just knowing what to do, but knowing what to avoid doing.
If you can understand your stumbling blocks, the things that cause you to fail and fall, and the distractions that prevent you from achieving at the level that you want to be, then you have won half of the battle.
By finding ways to use accountability and leverage to eliminate these distractions entirely, you will boost your productivity, happiness, and success 10 fold over.
5. Create Personal Commandments
In adittion to your vision statement, one of the best ways to add structure and simplicity into your life is to create personal commandments, rules that you follow no matter what that can guide you and make decisions easy.
Some examples of personal commandments could be
I can’t tell you what your commandments should be, but having a list of rules and guidelines that you follow is absolutely essential to becoming the man you want to be.
6. Structure Creates Freedom
Throughout much of the interview Craig discusses creating rules and guidelines for your life, and many of you may be turned off by the concept. But what you may not realize is that structure creates freedom.
By having rules in place you are free making difficult decisions based solely off of emotion, by having structure in your life, you will increase your success and free time and have more freedom to pursue the things you love and spend time with people that you love.
7. Follow the Law of Action Attraction
While many peopele may ascribe to the “Secret’s” law of attraction, Craig suggests the law of action attraction.
Basically focus on what you want, create the vision board, write the goals out, say your affirmations, and then take MASSIVE ACTION to achieve those goals.
Surround yourself with A+ players, create a mastermind, enlist the help of smarter people to aid you in achieving your goals, and take massive action.
Not only will you attract what you want into your life, but you will have taken the proper proportion of action required to ensure that you are ready for it.
8. Before You Start on the Journey Ask If It’s Worth It
Before you start down any journey, you must decide if it’s worth it. You have to have a strong enough reason for doing anything, or you will fail,. Plain and simple.
Whether the journey is a new instrument, sport, business, or relationship, ask if it is worth it before you begin and compare the opportunity to your vision statement and personal commandments
Want to learn how to be an alpha male? How to be more masculine? How to be the man you’ve always wanted to be?
Then you’re in the right place.
In this episode, I’m going to unveil the 15 habits of alpha males that you must develop to unlock your full potential as a man and live the life you’ve always wanted to live.
But let me be clear…
This article is not about becoming ‘better’ than other men, developing an ego complex, or learning how to be the alpha of a specific clique or social circle.
It’s about learning how to be an alpha male in your life. Taking full responsibility for your life, and living every day fully alive, present, and excited for the future that you are creating.
By the time you’re done, you’ll have a step-by-step guide to becoming the man you always knew you could be.
It won’t be easy. But I promise you, it will be worth it.
What does it mean to be an alpha male? What are the alpha male traits that separate them from the beta males? How can you develop your alpha personality and eradicate the toxic beta male traits from your life?
In this episode, I’m going to set the record straight and break the false narratives of what an alpha male really is.
I’m going to teach you exactly what it means to be an alpha male by dissecting the 9 alpha male traits required to become the strongest version of yourself and live your best life.
By the time you’re done, you’ll understand the difference between alpha vs beta males and have a clear, path to becoming the alpha of your own life.
Let’s get started…
Timothy Sykes is a stock trader who turned his $10,000 Bar Mitzvah money into $4,000,000 through exposing the losing game of penny stocks. He then went on to found Profit.ly a community of 84,000 traders, and run a leading trading coaching program called Millionaire Trader
“Eat, drink, and be merry”
1. Persistence and Patience Are The Only Paths to Success
So often when people set out on the path the financial success and freedom, especially within the stock market, they get in believing that they will have success quickly and painlessly, but the cold, hard, truth, is that this is rarely the case.
If you want to succeed in anything, be it with Penny stocks, podcasting, women, or life, you have to be willing to be patient, and persistent. You will get your ass kicked, you will fail, you will probably lose repeatedly before you win. But the ability to persist and remain patient despite challenges is what separates the winners from the losers.
So as you set down your path to success in life and business, remember, you will fail, you will struggle, but if you follow the proper systems and don’t give up, you will get there, and I promise, it will be worth it.
2. Convert Haters in Fans
While many people step on eggshells, trying to be as unoffensive and uncontroversial as possible, if you are doing big things in your life, you will have haters.
And while many gurus reccomend that you ignore haters, Tim prefers to convert them. In fact his first ever millionaire student became a student after publishing articles speaking against Tim’s methods before he tried them for himself.
Nothing will give you and your business more credibility than the ability to convert haters into testimonials, showing that what you sell and teach works, if you can master the art of conversion, your business success will skyrocket.
3. Money Can’t Buy Happiness but it’s Damn Important
Like Zig Ziglar said “Money isn’t everything, but it’s right up there with oxygen” and while money certainly isn’t everything, it is an indispensible tool that will allow you to live the life of your dreams.
If you have money and you know how to use it, you can live a life of freedom where you can do the things you want to do, and avoid the things you hate. You can live a life of fun, having the ability to travel, explore and adventure. And most importantly, you can live a life of impact, able to give more, share more, and help others achieve their goals.
Brad Lomenick is a strategic advisor and leadership consultant specializing in influence, innovation, generational issues, and business strategy. For more than a decade, he served as lead visionary and president of Catalyst, one of America’s largest movements of next-generation leaders.
He is the author of The Catalyst Leader: 8 Essentials for Becoming a Change Agent, and H3 Leadership . He currently lives outside of Atlanta.
“Be humble stay hungry always hustle
1. Accepting Your Failures and Embracing Vulnerability is True Humility
If you want to be a true leader, you cannot portray yourself as an invincible super man. You have struggles and failures the same as everyone else, and you have to own them.
People will respect a leader who can admit his shortcomings and open up, being vulnerable and real with them, far more than a leader who pretends he has everything together.
2. You Can’t Lead Others Until You Lead Yourself
So much of leadership is focused on leading others and the psychology or social dynamnics behind leadership, however the simple fact is, without first leading yourself, you cannot lead others.
You have to be on purpose, pursuing your passions and investing in yourself if you want to have any impact on other people.
You cannot truly lead others until you are leading yourself in the direction you want to go. Until you are in charge of your own life, disciplining yourself, and truly leading your own life, any attempts at leading others will fail.
3. Always be Curious
One of the hallmark traits of good leaders, especially leaders who maybe younger than their audience or who may feel inferior to many of the individuals they are working with, is curiousity.
Showing up, shutting up, and simply absorbing informaiton from others. Seeking to learn and understand instead of trying to pretend that you are more important than you are by constantly running your mouth, is how true leadership is done.
4. Work Hard but Play Hard
Life is a balancing act. Hustle is incredibly important, however without the occasional rest period, that time to yourself to relax and unwind, no amount of success or achievement will fulfill you.
You have to learn how to work hard, and then play hard, turning the crazy hustle off and allowing yourself time to just be, or to pursue hobbies or time with friends.
However, that time is earned by first working hard, without the hustle your relaxation won’t be done in good conscious and your play will suffer.
5. Be in it for the Long Haul
True leaders seek to leave a legacy. They seek to leave behind a greater story than themselves, to create other leaders who can take their place and to leave others behind who can create more and do more than they did.
But to create a legacy, you have to commit to the long haul. You aren’t in the game for a year or even a decade, you are in this for life and your goal is to die, leaving everything that you had behind your in the world, dying empty and leaving your best work on earth.
Kristin Kaufman is the founder of Alignment, Inc., formed in 2007 to serve individuals and corporations as they seek alignment within themselves and their organizations. Alignment, Inc., a unique services company through which Kaufman has brought her expertise to thousands of people, works with organizations to create sustainable success individually and collectively.
Through her partnership with Rodan & Fields, the author extends her reach by providing coaching and assistance to entrepreneurs and independent business owners as they build their own financial independence.
“Everything will be alright in the end, and if it is not alright, then it is not the end.”~The Best Exotic Merrigold Hotel
1. Nothing is Forever
So often in our lives it is easy to get caught up in the pain of the moment and lose hope. We begin to feel like we are never going to escape that breakup, that bankruptcy, or that injury; but we forget that nothing is forever.
Remember, nothing bad (or good for that matter) is forever. All things pass and life moves on, no matter whether you are in the deepest pit of hell or the highest mountain of achievement, remember this fact to stay grounded in reality.
2. Choose Love over Fear
Life is short, but full of successes and failures, its full of great achievement and great disaster, but no matter the circumstances of your life remember that in any situation you have a choice: Love or fear.
In any given moment you can choose to live a life in fear and scarcity which will lead you to make selfish and narrow minded decisions, or you can choose to live a life of love. A life of abundance of gratitude and acceptance and joy.
3. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
As Helen Keller said “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all” You are either living life fully, embracing fear and acting in spite of it, pursuing your dreams and going after your dream life, or you are dying, you are allowing society and the expectations of others to crush your dreams.
Get out of your comfort zone, shun mediocrity, and live life to the fullest.
4. There Are no Accidents
Regardless of whether you are spiritual or not, it is undeniable that there are time in life where things line up too perfectly to be coincidence. No matter what situation you are going through, look to the future and try and see how it may serve you.
That divorce may lead to the woman of your dreams and the family you always wanted, getting fired may cause you to start your business and pursue your goals of world travel. No situation, no matter how terrible is an accident. Life happens the way it does for a reason and a purpose.
5. Define Success for Yourself
In today’s competitive society, everyone tries to shove their definition of success down your throat. Whether it’s the white picket fence and stock options, or even the lifestyle business and location independence.
The simple fact is, there is no one size fits all for success. For some people, a safe secure job that allows them to spend time with their family is their definition of success for others, their is no success without incredible risks and payoffs and a lifestyle of excitement.
Neither is better than the other, they are simply different styles of success for the individual.
And while there is no definition of success, the universal definition of failure is to live a life in pursuit of someone else’s dream. Define success for yourself, and don’t let anyone else define it for you.
Govindh Jayaraman is an entrepreneur, successful businessman, and the author of the Paper Napkin Wisdom, leading to many individuals calling him the Napoleon Hill of our time.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward. you can only connect them looking back, so you just have to trust that somehow the dot will connect in the future”~Steve Jobs
1. To Do Amazing Things You Have to Have Laser Focus and Discipline
What Govindh discovered after interviewing hundreds of successful entrepreneurs, is that one of their greatest assets is that they were highly focused and disciplined.
They weren’t off multitasking and trying to accomplish a million things at once or trying to watch TV while they wrote their product’s copy, they were focused solely on the task at hand and disciplined in working until it was accomplished.
2. There is no Such Thing as Priorities just a Priority
The second of the five guidelines that Govindh discovered is that highly successful individuals, always had one priority. They didn’t use pareto’s 80/20 principle, they used the 99/1 principle.
They found the one thing that was the most vital to their business and worked tirelessly until it was accomplished it, and then they moved on.
3. When you Change the Way you Look at the World the World you Look at Changes
The third discovery Govindh made is that all successful people invested heavily in changing their mindset and the way they looked at the world until they saw a world that was full of abundance and opportunity instead of a world full of challenge or a world that was too difficult to succeed within.
The fourth principle Govindh discovered is that all great businesses understand the importance of simplicity. They do not needlessly complicate their operations or their mission.
While there may be aspects of the business that are complicated, the overall mission was simple and straightforward, normally to solve a certain problem in the most efficient way possible.
5. The Pen is Mightier than the Sword but Accountability is Mightier than All
The final principle that Govindh discovered is that all great achievers had a high level of accountability with other high achievers.
They volunteered themselves to stay accountable to people whom they respected and didn’t want to disappoint. By doing this they almost guaranteed that their levels of success would be multiplied instantaneously.
After you have mastered the 5 principles, it is time to design your path, to gain absolute clarity on who you are and where you want your life to end up.
You have to create a road map that you can come back to when you think you are getting lost or when you feel your momentum slipping. Having absolute clarity on where you are headed will allow you to take control of your life in a way few other things will.
Once you have your vision designed, it is time to create your playbook, or your how for accomplishment.
What do you need to do, who do you need to connect with, what steps must be taken to achieve your goals? Develop a very intentional action plan that will allow you to understand exactly how to get from where you are to where you want to be.
Once you have your principles mastered, clarity on your vision, and an action plan, it is time to surround yourself with other high achievers who can help you to achieve your goals with ease.
Find people that you respect who are on a higher level than you that will benefit you as a man and your business. While it may be difficult to find and attract these people, by being on purpose and on fire for your passion these individuals will start coming into your life naturally.
The final step to ultimate success is to become the heart of the team, be on fire, be passionate about what you are doing and understand that once you make a definite decision to do anything, your one “yes” will be accompanied by a thousand “nos”
If you decide to get healthy, you will have to say no to junk food, laziness, lack luster sleep, cigarettes, and excessive alcohol.
If you decide to get rich you will have to say no to procrastination, lack of productivity, and bad work habits.
You have to lead others and be the heart of the team, and this starts by learning to say no.
“You can achieve anything you want, if you will only help enough other people achieve what they want”~Zig Ziglar
1. Learn to Face Challenges with a Positive Attitude
In life, there will be challenges, there will be failures, and sometimes you will be in situations that may not be ideal, however, it is not these situations that determines your success, but how you respond to them.
If you have to work a 9-5 while you work on building your entrepreneurial endeavor, do it with a happy heart and a smile on your face. If you have to deal with clients you dislike, then do it to the best of your ability, never complaining or whining.
How you face your challenges is how you face life, so face them with a smile and the knowledge that this too shall pass.
2. Become a Student of Life
In everything you do, approach it with a students eyes, trying to learn and grow as much as you can in each situation. Be a student of life, try and use everything that life is teaching you to go forth and help others and to better the world around you.
The difference between a successful man and an unsuccessful man is that the successful man looks at everything and asks “What can I learn and how do I apply this right now?”
3. Learn to Beat Resistance
In any endeavor, life will afford you some resistance, you will be tempted to do menial chores when you should be writing your book, or maybe work a few extra hours at work to avoid the fact that you should be going out and meeting women.
Whatever the case maybe, learn to acknowledge and defeat resistance in every area of your life. The sooner you recognize areas of your life where resistance is creeping in, the sooner you will achieve your goals.
Internationally recognized speaker and business consultant, Alex Charfen has helped tens of thousands of entrepreneurs grow their business through his insights from consulting for billionaires, the Fortune 500 and some of the most successful people in the world.
Alex is the co-founder and CEO of CHARFEN, empowering entrepreneurs to grow and scale businesses and make their greatest contribution. An in-demand thought leader on business strategy and entrepreneurship, he regularly appears in major media outlets such as MSNBC, CNBC, FOX News, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today and Investor’s Business Daily to provide his unique views and insights.
“You’re only as good as your next speech”
1. Focus on Momentum not Emotion
A mistakes that many entrepreneurial type personality types make is that they focus on emotion, often failing to realize that many entrepreneurs are not as emotional as the rest of society.
We thrive on momentum and achievement, not momentary pleasures, we thrive on knowing that we are making a difference and pushing the needle forward, not on feeling happy because of a joint we smoked or cute girl we went out with.
If you focus your life on momentum, you will achieve success. There will be hard times, you will probably face more struggles and failures than the average person, you will feel discouraged and beaten down, but at the end of the day, it’s the momentum you are making that matters.
2. No One Average Ever Changed the World
If you are ever feeling abnormal (hint if you are reading this, then you are not normal) or out of the loop socially, if you ever feel like other people don’t get you or that there may be something wrong with you, pause and think for a moment.
Who do you know in history that achieved amazing things that we still remember who was normal?
Not a single person worth noting in history was normal, they were all weird, they were all told that they were crazy that it couldn’t be done, that it would never work. But they kept moving and changed the world because of it.
Never settle for average, average never changed the world.
3. Focus on Your Marriage and Romantic Relationships First
Something that most entrepreneurs fail miserably at is their romantic relationships and marriages. Most entrepreneurs that you know of have likely been divorced or gone through serious break ups several times due to their personality and drive to achieve success in their business.
However, when you focus on your marriage first, focus on your relationships first, you almost guarantee success in your business.
Because becoming the type of man who can attract his dream woman into his life, who can go through the rejection, through the emotional struggles, through the personal development that it takes to become a great boyfriend or husband, will develop himself into the type of man who will thrive and achieve in business.
When you have the support and love of your wife, and when you have developed yourself into the man you need to be to attract and continue attracting her, you will achieve success.
4. You Have to Be Yourself and be Vulnerable
Life doesn’t happen on high levels whenever you are living a lie, whenever you are pretending to be someone you are not, whenever you are putting on a facade to please others.
Life only happens at a high level when you can be vulnerable, when you can be yourself, when you stop lying and get real with people. If you want your life to be fulfilling, not just full of material success, you have to drop the mask and be vulnerable.
5. Learn to Lower the Pressure and Noise
If you have an entrepreneurial personality type, then odds are, the quiter things become, the more noise you find in your head, Even when you are relaxing you’re reviewing numbers in your head and stressing over business.
Start taking care of your body, breathing, and relaxing and realize that you can quiet the noise in your head. You can lower the pressure and function at a higher level than you ever thought possible.
Richard La Ruina is an entrepreneur London’s top dating coach, and author of “The Natural.” He has spent the past 10 years of his life building his company PUA training and traveling the world teaching men how to have better relationships and overcome their limiting beliefs with women.
“Do not think that what is hard for you to master is humanly impossible. And if it is humanly possible, it is within your reach”~Marcus Aurelius
1. What One Man Can Do Another Man Can Do
If there is anything you want to accomplish, no matter how difficult and impossible it may seem, know that if one man can do it, so can you.
Whether your goal is to create a 7 figure lifestyle business, date the girl of your dreams and overcome your social anxiety, or build the ripped sexy physique you’ve always dreamed of, if someone else has achieved it so can you.
What one man can do, another man can do. If it’s been done it can be done again.
2. Learn to Delegate Effectively
As you work towards building a life on your terms you have to realize that there will come a point when you have to let go and learn to delegate. The goal of every entrepreneur should be to run his business and not let his business run him.
If you can build an incredible team who can effectively do the things which you dislike and allow you to focus all of your energy on the things that you enjoy, your life and your business will flourish and you will experience more fulfillment and joy as a result.
3. Freedom Brings More Happiness than Money
A mistake that many novice’s make when it comes to the pursuit of happiness is assuming that more money will always mean more happiness. The truth is that happiness comes from having an impact and having freedom.
Who do you think is happier? The corporate CEO earning $2,000,000 a year who works 80 hours a week with only one weeks vacation, or the lifestyle entrepreneur who earns $90,000 a year and spends his time traveling, enjoying time with his family, and pursuing his passions?
Pursue freedom, not an extra 0 in your bank account.
4. Stuff Doesn’t Make the Man
So often in dating and relationship, men think that if they have all the right stuff, all the money, the nice clothes, the expensive cars, then attracting beautiful women will be a cake walk.
However, nothing is further from the truth.
Material objects don’t make a man attractive, personality, charm, passion, and humor are what make a man attractive. While money can certainly boost your odds once you have the character traits in place, they do not work as an end all be all.
5. You Can’t Find Your Purpose without Exposure
So often you hear people complaining that they do not know their purpose and their passions, but the simple fact is, they haven’t gotten their ass away from the TV in weeks and have experienced so little of life, they wouldn’t know their passion if it kicked them in the balls.
If you want to find what your purpose is and find what you are passionate about, you have to expose yourself to new and exciting things, take that salsa class, start that business, try things and fail.
Only by exposing yourself to new things will you have a chance at finding that one thing that you want to dedicate part of your life to.
Daniel is the founder of Elite Man Academy who has been pursuing his passion for helping men become their best selves and write their own stories.
“Beware of who you become in the pursuit of what you want, or one day you may find that you have what you want but hate who you’ve become”~Jim Rohn
1. Focus on Who you Become not What You Achieve
So often, we get caught up in the high of achievement, seeking to earn a certain amount, date a ’10’ or drive a certain car, what we often forget, however, is that the most important thing to focus on in life, is not what you achieve but who you become.
Always keep this at the forefront of your mind as you set goals and project forward. Realize that it is more important who you are when you arrive at your destination than the destination itself.
2. There is no Happiness without Struggle
In western culture, there is a happiness craze. Everyone is trying to be happy all of the time and never allow anything from death to bankruptcy to divorce to alter their happiness.
However, there can be no true happiness and fulfillment without struggle. Humans are wired to feel a whole vast array of emotions, not just mindless bliss.
You will always be happier after facing a great struggle than you will after achieving success easily. Remember this when things get hard.
3. Control Your Input
We live in a day of consumerism. Not just stuff, but information. We are always consuming, consuming, consuming with little regard for what we are actually consuming.
Take stock of what you are allowing into your brain and filter it. Is watching the news, B grade comedies, porn etc really serving you? Are you becoming a better person because you are playing World of Warcraft again for the thousandth time?
4. Create Incredible Visualizations
One of the best things you can do to alter your state is to create powerful visualization associated with your goals and come back to them anytime you find yourself unmotivated and lethargic.
Visualize the joy you will feel at achieving your goal, visualize the attention you will receive from women when you have that sixpack, the respect you will have from your family when you are successful in your business.
Visualize whatever gets you pumped and do it often.
5. Memento Mori
You are going to die. I am going to die. No one on this earth has ever escaped alive.
This is not meant to sadden you but rather to get you into gear. Imagine that today is your last, what would you be proud of, what would you look back fondly on, what would you be pissed that you never did?
Remember that you are going to die and make all of your decisions with this knowledge. Never put off for tomorrow the dreams you have today. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and neither is one minute from now.
We are all dead in the end, make it count.
Dre Baldwin is a former NBA pro basketball player turned entrepreneur and empowerment coach who works with pro athletes and entrepreneurs to help them achieve their full potential and work on their game.
“Work on your game”
1. Work on Your Game
When he first started playing basketball, Dre was one of the worst on the team, however, through tenacity and perseverance he became good enough to go pro.
He didn’t do it by getting lucky or having talent, he did it by working his ass off and never giving up. If you want to succeed at your craft, then you have to commit to working on your game and becoming a master of your craft.
Be willing to put in the long work weeks, to laser focus on your weaknesses and turn them into strengths. The only way to succeed is to work at your game until you become a pro. Period.
2. Be a Master of Consistency and Content
The two most important things of any information business are your consistency and your content. If you post something once every month, even if it kicks ass, you will not have anywhere near the following you would if you were able to post something once a week.
If you are posting consistently but posting subpar content, then once again, you will lose the trust of your audience and set yourself up for failure.
You have to master consistently good content. Publish frequently and publish useful information that your audience wants.
3. Ask Yourself Empowering Questions
As Tony Robbins says “The quality of your life is dependent upon the quality of your questions”. If you want to succeed, learn to ask better questions.
When something bad happens, instead of asking yourself “Why me” ask “how can I use this to learn and improve in the future?”. Instead of asking “Why do I never succeed” ask “How can I ensure success this year?”
4. Everything You Need to Succeed is a Developable Skill
Some people believe that things like discipline, work ethic, and perseverance, are talents and not developable skills.
They are wrong.
Every skill that you need to be successful is something that you can work on and develop. You can develop an iron work ethic, just go work for a landscaping crew for 3 months. You can develop discipline, enlist in the military or do some sort of bootcamp. You can develop any skill you need!
Never allow the excuse of being untalented to rob you of your dreams. If you don’t have a skill, work for it!
Kris Wolfe is the founder of Good Guy Swag and author of “10 Ways to Win a Girls Heart“. Kris went from being a scrawny and unconfident teenager to a bodybuilder, and marrying a Miss USA.
Now, he helps other men do the same by embracing authenticity and becoming a real man.
“A real man is a man who is real”~Gordon Dalbey
1. The People You Allow into Your Life will Shape Your Destiny
While this may be one of the oldest and most over used pieces of personal development advice, it is absolutely true and relevant in your life.
There is nothing that will have a bigger effect on your life than the people whom you surround yourself with. If you spend time around leaders and winners, you will naturally follow suit, however if you spend most of your time with low caliber individuals with no interest in personal growth, then your life will stagnate.
Because of this, finding excellent mentors who have the results that you want is incredibly important. If you can find people in your life to hold you accountable and keep you in check while they pour into you and help you grow, your life and success will accelerate rapidly.
And while many of you may not think you can find a mentor, it is important to realize that nearly every successful person wants to pour into an eager protege and you simply have to have a teachable spirit to build relationships that will last you a lifetime.
2. You Can’t Be a Gentleman until You Are a Man
As you seek to find the woman of your dreams and win her heart, you have to realize that you cannot be the gentleman that she needs you to be until you are first the man that you need you to be.
You have to be real and confident in yourself, you must learn to love who you are while you build yourself into who you want to be and to be unashamed about your identity.
As soon as you become the grounded man who is going after his purpose in life, everything else will fall into place.
3. It’s the Basics that Count
While it may not be anything flashy or exciting, if you want to win a woman’s heart, then do what men have been doing for generations!
Be intentional in your approach and tell her exactly how you feel and what your desired outcome is, be complimentary of her and her passions, and be romantic in your dating methods, constantly surprising her with new and creative ideas and activities.
The problem in America is that we always look for what is new instead of what works. Stick to the basics and win that girls heart.
John Lee Dumas is the host of the wildly successful 7-day podcast, Entrepreneur on Fire, and creator of several high level masterminds and business courses for aspiring entrepreneurs and podcasters. John has created a multimillion dollar company with Entrepreneur on Fire and continues to grow his brand and business with books, courses, and seminars.
“Try not to become a person of success but rather a person of value”~Albert Einstein
1. Work on Being of Value
So often in today’s society and achievement driven market place, we focus so heavily on being a man of success that we forget to be a man of value.
We worry more about how others perceive us and how our possessions are ranked against other men that we never pause and slow down to realize that the important thing is who you are and not what you have.
So focus on being a man of value, a man of character, of honesty, of kindness, and compassion, and everything else will follow.
2. Embrace the 7-2 Lifestyle
If you want to experience financial freedom and really live the life of your dreams, you need to get on your grind and embrace the 7-2 lifestyle. Aka working from 7 p.m. to 2 a.m.
If you have a family, with bills, a house and all the other bells and whistles and you aren’t pleased with where you are, then investing your time in the evenings on your side hustle is truly the best way to escape the grind and achieve the financial freedom you desire.
3. Provide Great Value and the Money will Come
Most of us who start businesses expect to see revenue flow immediately, however, this is almost never the case. If you want to build a kickass income online, then you have to start with offering kickass value for free to your audience.
You have to give away your best work, build trust and get raving fans, and after a period of time (it took John 9 months of daily podcasts before he made any income) you will reap the financial rewards.
4. Invest in Yourself and Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
People will often say that once they are successful, then they will start investing in themselves, in their health, their knowledge, their abilities etc. however the truth is that you will never achieve any real success until you start investing in yourself and getting outside of your comfort zone.
The quickest way to ensure financial freedom and success is through massive personal development, because their is rarely a man who’s income exceeds his level of personal development.
Realize that this doesn’t have to be expensive either. You can rent a book from a library, find old personal growth tapes online, take cold showers, journal, or even use your work as a way to grow your patience and tenacity. Do whatever you have to do, but keep on growing.
5. Balance is Key
For type-A “alpha” males, taking time off and balancing their work and life is often difficult. It’s difficult to make time for yourself, to just allow yourself to relax and watch TV or go out at the end of the day, but it is necessary.
Unless you are a somewhat crazy, Gary Vaynerchuk type guy who derives all of his fulfillment from work and achievement, taking time for yourself and taking time to build relationships and fun into your life is a must.
So treat yo’self and just relax.
Scott Brennan is the president and chief accelerated success expert at BOLDbreak, Inc. He has formerly been an award-winning business owner as well as an award-winning and successful corporate executive, repeatedly leading his teams to develop and deliver innovative services to the marketplace.
Scott is now an award-nominated-author of the book, “The Surging Team“, which was honored as an Award-Winning Finalist in the Business Management & Leadership category by the 2015 USA Best Book Awards and is now available on Amazon, as well as the author of an innovative video training series, “10 BOLDskills for Accelerated Team Success“, as an exciting companion resource to his book.
“If you are frozen by fear, look down, stay in your three-foot world and take one step forward at a time”~Mark Owen
1. Learn to be on the Lookout for Opportunities within the Problems
So often the difference between a successful person and a failure is simply perspective.
One will choose to see a set of circumstances as an opportunity, another as a problem. The better you can become at asking quality questions and searching for the opportunity in adversity, the more successful you will be.
So often it has been said that the greatest fortunes are made during the greatest recessions and this is true in life as well, if you can find a way to make any challenge or “failure” a positive, you will succeed at whatever you set your mind to.
2. Engage Your Team with Stories
If you are looking to build a dynamic and surging team, it is essential that you engage the team in whatever task they have before them. The greatest way to achieve this is through the art of storytelling.
Learn to craft masterful stories about where the team is headed, to tell masterful stories about adversity that has been overcome and successes in the past, and you will have a team with an unstoppable connection and vision.
3. Learn to Build on Strengths
The greatest mistake any leader can make is placing his subordinates in a place of weakness. Often, team members with excellent potential must be let go simply because upper management never bothered to find out what they were really good at and what made them tick and therefore put them in a place where they could not thrive.
Do yourself and your team a favor and take some time to connect with them, learn their strengths, learn their weaknesses, and put them in positions reflective of their personality. When you do, your team will develop unstoppable momentum in business and in life.
4. Relationships Matter
At the heart of everything we do in this life is relationships. They amplify the human experience and give some sense of meaning to our confusing and often frustrating existence. If you get the relationship piece right, your life will be full and joyful, if you get it wrong, no amount of success will fulfill you.
Dr. Mark Goulston has been described as a “people hacker.”Starting off as a clinical interventional psychiatrist and UCLA professor of psychiatry, he learned to “hack” into the minds of suicidal and potentially violent individuals to prevent acts of destruction to others or themselves.
He next went on to train FBI and police hostage negotiators. He has since expanded his work to “Hacking Genius” and speaks and provides webinars internationally on: “Thinking Like Steve Jobs – How to Create ‘Gotta Have It.'”His company, The Goulston Group, is hired by Founders, CEO’s and Boards of Directors to help them create a “gotta have it!” response to their services and products (which seamlessly translates into “gonna buy/hire it,” a “gotta work there” response in outside talent they’re recruiting, a “gonna get it done” response from employees and a “gotta invest there” response in investors.
He contributes to the Harvard Business Review, Huffington Post, Fast Company, Business Insider and writes the “Closing Bell” for C-Suite Quarterly Magazine. Frequently called upon to share his expertise with the media, he has been quoted in the Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, and Reuters; has offered commentary on NPR, CNN, and Fox News; and has appeared on the Oprah and Today shows. He lives in Los Angeles, California.
Dr. Goulston is also the author of Just Listen and several other best sellers.
“Be a first class noticer”~Warren Bennis
1. Learn to Notice & Listen into People
One of the most important skill anyone can develop is listening, not just listening however, listening into people. Listening into someone means learning to read between the lines and past the ambiguity to get to the bigger picture.
What is really going on in their lives? What are they really saying?
Listening into someone requires that you “listen” to their body language, their facial expressions, their tone of voice, and any other nonverbal signals. Listen to more than just the words, listen to them. Feel for them, put yourself in their shoes.
2. Deepen the Conversation to Get to the Root
In any relationship that you are in, the best way to diffuse a fight is to get to the root, to deepen the conversation and understand what is really going on and to approach it from their side.
An example with a wife who’s complaining about a husband who never helps around the house could go something like this
“I know that I have been really busy at work recently, and I bet that it has put a lot of stress on you, especially since I haven’t had as much time for you or the kids and haven’t been helping out like I normally do. I understand it’s not fair to y’all and I’ll make it a priority to do more moving forward.”
What the man is doing in this example is cutting to the root of the problem by listening into the conversation and then diving deeper. He doesn’t leave it at the surface level of how he’s not taking out the trash, he dives deeper and brings up his work schedule and how he hasn’t prioritized family.
The interesting thing is, this conversation will likely end with his wife apologizing! Whenever you let your guard down, whenever you are honest and open yourself up and are no longer on the defensive or offensive, but are on the other person’s side, your whole world changes.
3. Learn to be Tender
One of the hardest things for a man, especially someone who is much more “alpha” than the normal guy, to do is to learn to be tender. It’s learning just to feel for someone without having to fix them or change them. It’s learning to be present and give them your full attention and to cry with them, laugh with them, smile with them, or simply be with them.
Being tender is not easy, but it will transform your intimate relationships quicker than anything else. Put aside the macho facade every once in a while and just be tender.