Kris Wolfe is the founder of Good Guy Swag and author of “10 Ways to Win a Girls Heart“. Kris went from being a scrawny and unconfident teenager to a bodybuilder, and marrying a Miss USA.
Now, he helps other men do the same by embracing authenticity and becoming a real man.
“A real man is a man who is real”~Gordon Dalbey
1. The People You Allow into Your Life will Shape Your Destiny
While this may be one of the oldest and most over used pieces of personal development advice, it is absolutely true and relevant in your life.
There is nothing that will have a bigger effect on your life than the people whom you surround yourself with. If you spend time around leaders and winners, you will naturally follow suit, however if you spend most of your time with low caliber individuals with no interest in personal growth, then your life will stagnate.
Because of this, finding excellent mentors who have the results that you want is incredibly important. If you can find people in your life to hold you accountable and keep you in check while they pour into you and help you grow, your life and success will accelerate rapidly.
And while many of you may not think you can find a mentor, it is important to realize that nearly every successful person wants to pour into an eager protege and you simply have to have a teachable spirit to build relationships that will last you a lifetime.
2. You Can’t Be a Gentleman until You Are a Man
As you seek to find the woman of your dreams and win her heart, you have to realize that you cannot be the gentleman that she needs you to be until you are first the man that you need you to be.
You have to be real and confident in yourself, you must learn to love who you are while you build yourself into who you want to be and to be unashamed about your identity.
As soon as you become the grounded man who is going after his purpose in life, everything else will fall into place.
3. It’s the Basics that Count
While it may not be anything flashy or exciting, if you want to win a woman’s heart, then do what men have been doing for generations!
Be intentional in your approach and tell her exactly how you feel and what your desired outcome is, be complimentary of her and her passions, and be romantic in your dating methods, constantly surprising her with new and creative ideas and activities.
The problem in America is that we always look for what is new instead of what works. Stick to the basics and win that girls heart.
John Lee Dumas is the host of the wildly successful 7-day podcast, Entrepreneur on Fire, and creator of several high level masterminds and business courses for aspiring entrepreneurs and podcasters. John has created a multimillion dollar company with Entrepreneur on Fire and continues to grow his brand and business with books, courses, and seminars.
“Try not to become a person of success but rather a person of value”~Albert Einstein
1. Work on Being of Value
So often in today’s society and achievement driven market place, we focus so heavily on being a man of success that we forget to be a man of value.
We worry more about how others perceive us and how our possessions are ranked against other men that we never pause and slow down to realize that the important thing is who you are and not what you have.
So focus on being a man of value, a man of character, of honesty, of kindness, and compassion, and everything else will follow.
2. Embrace the 7-2 Lifestyle
If you want to experience financial freedom and really live the life of your dreams, you need to get on your grind and embrace the 7-2 lifestyle. Aka working from 7 p.m. to 2 a.m.
If you have a family, with bills, a house and all the other bells and whistles and you aren’t pleased with where you are, then investing your time in the evenings on your side hustle is truly the best way to escape the grind and achieve the financial freedom you desire.
3. Provide Great Value and the Money will Come
Most of us who start businesses expect to see revenue flow immediately, however, this is almost never the case. If you want to build a kickass income online, then you have to start with offering kickass value for free to your audience.
You have to give away your best work, build trust and get raving fans, and after a period of time (it took John 9 months of daily podcasts before he made any income) you will reap the financial rewards.
4. Invest in Yourself and Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
People will often say that once they are successful, then they will start investing in themselves, in their health, their knowledge, their abilities etc. however the truth is that you will never achieve any real success until you start investing in yourself and getting outside of your comfort zone.
The quickest way to ensure financial freedom and success is through massive personal development, because their is rarely a man who’s income exceeds his level of personal development.
Realize that this doesn’t have to be expensive either. You can rent a book from a library, find old personal growth tapes online, take cold showers, journal, or even use your work as a way to grow your patience and tenacity. Do whatever you have to do, but keep on growing.
5. Balance is Key
For type-A “alpha” males, taking time off and balancing their work and life is often difficult. It’s difficult to make time for yourself, to just allow yourself to relax and watch TV or go out at the end of the day, but it is necessary.
Unless you are a somewhat crazy, Gary Vaynerchuk type guy who derives all of his fulfillment from work and achievement, taking time for yourself and taking time to build relationships and fun into your life is a must.
So treat yo’self and just relax.
Scott Brennan is the president and chief accelerated success expert at BOLDbreak, Inc. He has formerly been an award-winning business owner as well as an award-winning and successful corporate executive, repeatedly leading his teams to develop and deliver innovative services to the marketplace.
Scott is now an award-nominated-author of the book, “The Surging Team“, which was honored as an Award-Winning Finalist in the Business Management & Leadership category by the 2015 USA Best Book Awards and is now available on Amazon, as well as the author of an innovative video training series, “10 BOLDskills for Accelerated Team Success“, as an exciting companion resource to his book.
“If you are frozen by fear, look down, stay in your three-foot world and take one step forward at a time”~Mark Owen
1. Learn to be on the Lookout for Opportunities within the Problems
So often the difference between a successful person and a failure is simply perspective.
One will choose to see a set of circumstances as an opportunity, another as a problem. The better you can become at asking quality questions and searching for the opportunity in adversity, the more successful you will be.
So often it has been said that the greatest fortunes are made during the greatest recessions and this is true in life as well, if you can find a way to make any challenge or “failure” a positive, you will succeed at whatever you set your mind to.
2. Engage Your Team with Stories
If you are looking to build a dynamic and surging team, it is essential that you engage the team in whatever task they have before them. The greatest way to achieve this is through the art of storytelling.
Learn to craft masterful stories about where the team is headed, to tell masterful stories about adversity that has been overcome and successes in the past, and you will have a team with an unstoppable connection and vision.
3. Learn to Build on Strengths
The greatest mistake any leader can make is placing his subordinates in a place of weakness. Often, team members with excellent potential must be let go simply because upper management never bothered to find out what they were really good at and what made them tick and therefore put them in a place where they could not thrive.
Do yourself and your team a favor and take some time to connect with them, learn their strengths, learn their weaknesses, and put them in positions reflective of their personality. When you do, your team will develop unstoppable momentum in business and in life.
4. Relationships Matter
At the heart of everything we do in this life is relationships. They amplify the human experience and give some sense of meaning to our confusing and often frustrating existence. If you get the relationship piece right, your life will be full and joyful, if you get it wrong, no amount of success will fulfill you.
Dr. Mark Goulston has been described as a “people hacker.”Starting off as a clinical interventional psychiatrist and UCLA professor of psychiatry, he learned to “hack” into the minds of suicidal and potentially violent individuals to prevent acts of destruction to others or themselves.
He next went on to train FBI and police hostage negotiators. He has since expanded his work to “Hacking Genius” and speaks and provides webinars internationally on: “Thinking Like Steve Jobs – How to Create ‘Gotta Have It.'”His company, The Goulston Group, is hired by Founders, CEO’s and Boards of Directors to help them create a “gotta have it!” response to their services and products (which seamlessly translates into “gonna buy/hire it,” a “gotta work there” response in outside talent they’re recruiting, a “gonna get it done” response from employees and a “gotta invest there” response in investors.
He contributes to the Harvard Business Review, Huffington Post, Fast Company, Business Insider and writes the “Closing Bell” for C-Suite Quarterly Magazine. Frequently called upon to share his expertise with the media, he has been quoted in the Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, and Reuters; has offered commentary on NPR, CNN, and Fox News; and has appeared on the Oprah and Today shows. He lives in Los Angeles, California.
Dr. Goulston is also the author of Just Listen and several other best sellers.
“Be a first class noticer”~Warren Bennis
1. Learn to Notice & Listen into People
One of the most important skill anyone can develop is listening, not just listening however, listening into people. Listening into someone means learning to read between the lines and past the ambiguity to get to the bigger picture.
What is really going on in their lives? What are they really saying?
Listening into someone requires that you “listen” to their body language, their facial expressions, their tone of voice, and any other nonverbal signals. Listen to more than just the words, listen to them. Feel for them, put yourself in their shoes.
2. Deepen the Conversation to Get to the Root
In any relationship that you are in, the best way to diffuse a fight is to get to the root, to deepen the conversation and understand what is really going on and to approach it from their side.
An example with a wife who’s complaining about a husband who never helps around the house could go something like this
“I know that I have been really busy at work recently, and I bet that it has put a lot of stress on you, especially since I haven’t had as much time for you or the kids and haven’t been helping out like I normally do. I understand it’s not fair to y’all and I’ll make it a priority to do more moving forward.”
What the man is doing in this example is cutting to the root of the problem by listening into the conversation and then diving deeper. He doesn’t leave it at the surface level of how he’s not taking out the trash, he dives deeper and brings up his work schedule and how he hasn’t prioritized family.
The interesting thing is, this conversation will likely end with his wife apologizing! Whenever you let your guard down, whenever you are honest and open yourself up and are no longer on the defensive or offensive, but are on the other person’s side, your whole world changes.
3. Learn to be Tender
One of the hardest things for a man, especially someone who is much more “alpha” than the normal guy, to do is to learn to be tender. It’s learning just to feel for someone without having to fix them or change them. It’s learning to be present and give them your full attention and to cry with them, laugh with them, smile with them, or simply be with them.
Being tender is not easy, but it will transform your intimate relationships quicker than anything else. Put aside the macho facade every once in a while and just be tender.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby holds a PhD in counseling psychology and is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She is also a board-certified life coach based in Colorado.
Dr. Bobby has appeared numerous times on news programs around the country (FOX 5 New York, CBS News Denver, FOX 35 Orlando) as a relationship expert, and has been featured on Time.com and in the New York Post, Natural Health magazine, and New York Magazine. She is one of nine national dating coaches trained at the headquarters of Match.com and is a featured expert with EXaholics.com, a 12-step breakup recovery platform.
“Act from your values instead of your feelings”
1. Internalizing Your Problems will not Solve Them
So often as men, after something that is emotional and difficult, we decide to internalize our emotions due to the societal conditioning (e.g. just be a man and get over it). However, this path rarely if ever is the solution.
Men were made for companionship and finding a friend or family member who can help them cope with the pain and be there to hold the space whenever they are struggling is absolutely essential.
If you are not already, find a mentor or a men’s group where you can be yourself and talk about your issues without judgement. Breakups suck, they suck worse alone.
2. Stressful Relationships Create More Intrigue
One of the more interesting things about relationships is that relationships which have an element of “stress” or uncertainty and mystery tend to be more intense and more emotional, regardless of how much face time you got with the person.
As your emotions are triggered with all of the excitement and confusion around your partner and their upcoming actions, you begin to become emotionally invested. This is why relationships that may have been short lived can still be emotionally devastating when they finish.
Realize that stressful relationships are a double edged sword. While they can elicit a great response from women and create a number of amazing adventures together, they can also do a lot of emotional damage if not handled properly.
3. You Have to Realize that Ex-aholism is a Genuine Problem
Because of how our society views break ups and relationships, it is often easy to fall into the trap of believing that ex-aholism is not a real problem, even when you find yourself up until the early hours of the morning Facebook stalking your ex girlfriend.
Like any addiction, the first step to recovery is admitting that your ex is a problem and is still plaguing your emotional life. Once you do this, you are operating from a place of power where you can move forward in your recovery.
4. This too Shall Pass
Something you must realize as you go through all the phases of recovery is that this too shall pass. Your biochemistry is messed up from the last relationship and it’s a natural part of human life. Realize this and accept that there will be pain for a while but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
You will be able to move on and have the relationships you’ve been wanting for so long. You will create the life you have been dreaming of and you will no longer struggle with depression over your ex.
This too shall pass, just hold on and make it through.
Ellen Nyland, author of Life is Great Even when it Sucks, has faced many challenges in life and overcome them with insight, humor and intelligence. She successfully negotiated living and balancing the personal and business relationship demands faced by living and working on the same farm with four generations in close proximity.
Ellen has been an unofficial life coach and source of counsel for a long time, but it was after her move from the Netherlands to Canada in 1998 that she became a certified professional co-active coach in 2008. Ellen saw and helped many people and families deal with the stresses put on personal and family relationships.
Ellen’s biggest passion in life is to empower others and help them discover their own magnificence. Ellen uses her own life story and the examples of others to show that the system she’s discovered through experience and study can help others move positively past their barriers to a more fully lived
“When you don’t love and respect yourself then it is impossible to love and respect others”
“If you feel stuck, always do something”
1. Be the Lead Actor of Your Own Life
Often times it is easy to allow others to take the lead role in your life by allowing the standards and beliefs of family, friends and society to dictate your actions instead of following your own beliefs, dreams, and goals.
If you wish to live a life of success, you must become the lead actor in your life. You are the only constant and therefor you must take total responsibility for everything in your life. While you can still listen to the advice of others and take the consequences of your actions into account before acting, remember that you are the one who is ultimately responsible, not your parents, your friends, or your society.
2. Attitude is Everything
Life can suck. It can suck and we can’t control it. Children get sick, businesses fail, friends die, bad things happen. No one who has ever been born or will ever be born can face a life completely void of pain, but we can all face the pain a little bit better than we are now.
While you can’t change the inevitability of suffering, you can change your attitude towards it. If you face adversity by asking how it will make you stronger and better equip you to live out the purpose God has put on your life, then you will become infinitely more powerful than you ever imagined and the pain that you face will have purpose.
3. In Relationships you Must Grow in the Same Direction
As men, it is often easy to get sucked into relationships based purely upon physical attraction without much thought about the congruency of our partner’s mission and purpose. Whenever you are considering getting into a serious relationship, you need to examine your partner’s path and ensure that you are both growing in the same direction.
4. Build Your Toolbox
One of the most important things you can do for yourself and your future is to build your emotional ‘tollbox’ or your character. Focus on building yourself into the person that you need to become to achieve your goals. Build your integrity, your honor, your honesty, your kindness, your empathy, your compassion, your drive.
Build yourself up until success is inevitable. Because as Jim Rohn says, your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development.